Love Quotes

It was only a moment, but in that moment I loved you more than I will ever love anyone in a lifetime.

Sunday, September 7, 2014

One last letter

I was once happy; I remeber it. It was a good year, one where I was inmensely happy, that year that I was with you...

The sun was rising on the east, light starting to come in to the room, slightly illuminating the corner of the bed, a few rays spilling onto the floor; silence reighned. She watched as light grew brighter, and life outside her window began to be heard. She had not slept the whole night, wanting to see how darkness turned to light, how the night became day, how in a few hours, everything changed. She needed to see it, to feel it. She knew time was running out and she wanted to spend her last few moments seeing the world in a way she had seen it so many times before, yet never really taken the time to appreciate every detail of it.

Today though, she saw it. She saw how the sky outside changed from dark blue, full of starts, to a deeper, darker shade, until it bacame black. Still illuminated by the millions of stars, contellations above, shinning and blinking as if a christmas tree. She marvelled as it turned to a dark purple, then as the shades became lighter, blue, orange, red, yellow; lines as the sun came out, and finally a bright blue with a blinding light that could not be looked at direclty; and no more sparkling lights, no more stars. 

It was a perfect, sunny day. How Ironic, considering inside her, everything was turning dark. But it didn't matter, she had made it, she had seen it one last time. She had done it all, and now all that was left was for her to lie down, and finally give into her final rest. 

She got up from her chair by the window, waving one final hello to the gardner and moved to her desk by the door. She had lined up three letter, each with a name written in perfect handwrting, in red ink. One was addressed to her lawyer, with details of her final arrangements and isntructions for the other two letters; one addressed to her daughter, telling her how much she loved her and how much meaning and purpose she had given her. And the last one, addressed ony "to him". There was no name on the cover, just "to him". She carresed each of them, picked up the last one, kissed it before putting it back in place, and went to the mirror. She was satisfied with the reflection. 

The illness hadn't done that much damage to her physically, so she looked ok. No one could tell and yet, here she was, one final look. She had her hair, what was left of it anyways, combed back; she smiled thinking about how much time we spend worrying about how we look, how others will see us, not paying attention to how we feel, not knowing that there may be shadows growing inside of us, eating our health up, and we only realize when it's too late. She ran her hand through her gown, trying to brush off any wrinkle. Again she smiled thinking it didn't matter, they would change her out of it anyways. She was still young, she could have still done so many things, but, her time was up, there was really nothing left for her, but this moment. She started to feel dizzy, felt how the air was leaving her lungs. Funny how she had known this moment was close, and how at ease she felt. She wasn't afraid any more. She had done it everything, well, almost. She hadn't seen him, handn't spoken to him in a long time, she hoped that the letter would sufice, that it would tell him all she was never able to tell him, that once, she had been happy, trully happy, with him; and she hoped that he would forgive her.

She sat in the corner of her bed, and layed down slowly. Her sight grew dim, everything around her was fading. Her heart beat lowered, and each breath came harder and harder. She saw his face, smiling at her, it was the last thing she saw before taking one final breath and leaving this world. 

The funeral was beautiful; a lot of people gathered, they cried, they laughed, they all remembered and honered her. Her daughter felt sad but also relieved, she missed her mother terribly, but knew the time was coming. She would be ok. And the letter addressed "to him" reached it's destination, it was read by the intended person, and he cried; he cried for non stop for weeks for he had lost her. 

Now, every year, on the death of her annyversary, her takes out the letter and reads it with a cup of her favorite red wine in his hands; he cries again, and when the day is over, he puts it away, until the next year comes. It's his way of honoring her, the woman he truly loved, more than his life.

"My dear love, I know it's been a while, but I was hoping I could finally say all this to you. I don't have a choice, as I don't have much time left. I know why you left all those years ago, I always knew, and I forgave you the moment you left. We weren't meant to be, not in this life time anyways, but I wanted you to know that you made me the happiest woman on this earth. The brief time we were togeter, I was whole, I was complete. You gave me a reason to go on, you gave me a new life, one I never thought I could have. When with you I was able to fly. But like all good things, we too had to come to an end, and in our case life got in our way. But it's ok, I had you, and that is all that mattered to me. I always carry those days with me, to me they were the best. You made me smile, because of you I believed again. I am grateful for you, to you. What we had was brief, but I loved you with every fiber of my being. 
I hope you were happy with her, I hope you found what you were looking for. There was never a day when I didn't think of you, there was never a day when I didn't smile because of you. You were my once in a lifetime. 
I never really said the words, did I? Now is as great a time as ever, since I will never say them again. How ironic, no? 

I was once happy; I remeber it. It was a good year, one where I was inmensely happy, that year that I was with you...

I love you"