Love Quotes


It was only a moment, but in that moment I loved you more than I will ever love anyone in a lifetime.

Thursday, May 23, 2013

She

She's been away lately, absent, distracted she says, but I don't believe her. I think she is leaving me, slowly slipping away, and I don't know what to do to make her look at me the same way she used to. 

She would notice me even before I noticed her. She could smell me coming, or so she said. I think she sensed me more than anything. Everything with her used to be different, magical even. I loved it. 

She took me into unknown realms, just by being my friend. She showed me the world under a different light. Her never faltering cheerfulness, her beautiful smile, her sparkling eyes; they became things I craved for every morning when waking up. I would dream of her, long for her, and the feeling would last throughout the day, until I saw her, or talked to her, it was the only thing that would make it go away.

She became a need for me, a means to surviving what for me, at a time, was hell. She was my angel, my light, my breath of fresh air. She was beauty in the flesh. I believe she knew the secrets of life, for she made everything seem so easy, so simple, so joyful. With her, everything was better, everything was perfect. With her I was the happiest I had ever been in my life. 

One day everything started changing. Small yet noticeable changes, at least in her. She would smile, but it would seem cold, practiced and fake. Her eyes stopped shinning, and a dark mood appeared to have taken over her. So unnatural, so unlike the woman I had met. She started keeping to herself. She would avoid talking to me and when I asked, she would always have a logical explanation. Her words were the same, but the meaning had changed. She would act kindly, friendly, but there was something underneath it all, something she wouldn't say, or at least not to me. It's as if our friendship had been torn and the gap forming was becoming irreparable. I don't know what caused it.

Today I sit here, thinking of her, still craving for her, longing for her words of kindness, her smart retorts. I look to the skies and send a silent prayer "return her to me, send her back, let her find her way to what we used to be". But the skies turn grey and it rains on me, as if God is denying me this. I grow uneasy, weary. I need her and she is so far from  me. 

I could reach out to her, try again, but I know that like before, she will give me that heartbreaking sad smile, pretend that everything is fine and walk away. 

She is the strongest woman I have ever met and yet, she withers. What secrets is she hiding from me? and why! Why won't she let me help her?

Friday, May 17, 2013

What I remember


I remember a time in my life when everything seemed to go right and things were simpler. A time when I would ask for something and get it. When I didn't have to think about doing something so much, because it could affect someone and the consequences could be potentially devastating.

I remember a time when a kiss was more than just a kiss. It was an expression of desire, tenderness, of love. It meant an emotional connection between two pe
ople. It was a time when a kiss was the beginning of something wonderful, rather than a bittersweet goodbye.

I remember a time when words of joy would flow from my hands onto the paper and I would bring smiles to peoples faces. When I felt the sun shine brighter, my heart beat faster, my blood burn hotter. A time when the winds would speak to me and my soul would understand.

I remember a time when all I wanted was for you to hug me, to hold me, to keep me from harm, to love me. It was the time when all you needed was my smile, my hand on yours, my love in return.

There is one thing though that I remember most, but wish I didn't. I remember the last time we saw each other. I remember you standing on the door, lingering. Things were no longer simple; I could no longer ask and get right away, neither could you; we had acted, and the consequences turned out to be more than devastating. There were no more kisses, no more tenderness, no more love. You were standing there, looking at me, and we didn't hug each other; I didn't hold out my hand to you. We were broken, and there were no means of repairing this, of repairing us.

Sunlight was replaced by eternal grey skies; my heart, it felt, stopped beating; my blood didn't burn anymore. And all of a sudden, all was quiet, for even the winds stayed still.

I don't know how it happened, or when it happened, but I know it did, and as much as I remember, I wish I could forget.

Only that forgetting that would mean forgetting you. And even with the unbearable pain of that last day, at least, I got to say goodbye.

Tuesday, May 14, 2013

My thirieth birthday


I have recently been blessed with reaching thirty years of my life, and everything is supposed to be different, to feel different, or so people say, yet it doesn't. I still feel like a teenager when I see the guy I like. I still smile like an idiot when he looks my way or even after he kisses me. I still do stupid things that I end up regreting immediately after. I am supposed to be all grown up and yet I still feel like a kid.

I have gotten this far and still don't have the answers. I have lived so much but still don't know where I am supposed to go or even how I am supposed to get there. I know things have changed, but I can't really say how or when. 

We are supposed to walk in our paths and learn so many valuable lessons along the way, yet, I feel I have learned nothing and life is ahead of me, waiting, inviting.  

Maybe it's not about figuring it all out. Maybe it's about just walking ahead and trying to be smart enough not to make the same mistakes. And if by any chance we were not smart and ended up messing up even more, then, maybe it's about having the strength to say "I fucked up, now let me try to fix it, and if I can't, let me just move on, keep walking".

Maybe we are not supposed to "grow up" but "grow wise". I would surely prefer the latter one. 

I don't have the answers, but maybe, just maybe, I am not meant to. 

Thursday, May 9, 2013

Dance for me

This is a place I find peace at, with the sweet summer's breeze coming in through my window and the smell of the sea's salty water caressing my senses, I feel at ease. I know that it is the perfect setting for me to finish the story, but the words, the phrases, the images escape me. Maybe I am too at ease here, or maybe it's that phrase, that one phrase I can't seem to get out of my head...

"will you dance for me now?"

That is all he had to say. It was the one phrase that would cause all my senses to just go haywire. There was history between us, and a lot of it. We were friends before we became lovers, and still then, we were best friends. Something happened along the way, something that made us part, follow different paths. We were so young then, we believed we could overcome anything, but our innocence, and foolish beliefs blinded us from the cruelty of this world. Our thirst for greatness, I believe, was one of the things that got in our way. We became so obsessed about everything else, that we forgot about each other. I guess I could say, we stopped fighting for one another.

Time was of the essence, just not for us to share it. But that phrase... I came here to escape him, and he followed me, not physically, I don't think he wants to anymore, but in my mind, in my body, he is still here.

Wednesday, May 8, 2013

Numb

I'm sitting beside the window in  my house. My house...I can finally call it my own and yet, it feels so empty. I look outside and see the rain fall. The weather seems to resemble the way I feel inside. It is cloudy, windy, gray sky, and it rains hard. A storm in all its might. It's cold, so cold. I wrap my arms around myself, but that won't do anything. This cold I feel runs deep inside of me, it reaches my bones. I am at home and I feel so alone, so lonely. 

I look around and see the dried roses by the table and I remember. It didn't use to be this way. This house was once a home. It was once warm and full of joy. Even on rainy days like this, this place was bright. But things change, people...well people they disappoint us, they lie to us, and then, they leave us. The roses, they represent something great, something strong, something full of possibilities, and yet, dried as they are, they represent something gone, just like the life and color in them. 

The rain has decreased but the wind still blows hard. It comes in through the creeks and it sounds like a song. I wonder if it is trying to tell me something. I doubt I would understand anyways. It blows all around me and I can almost feel as though it wrapped itself around my heart. I'm going numb, it's getting darker. I could cry, but there are no more tears in my eyes. I could scream, but my voice has left me. I no longer have the strength to fight for something that seems hopeless. 

I look outside and I see...I see nothing but grey skies and rain; and I can't help thinking  "I'm alone, I'm numb and nothing but memories remain"

Saturday, May 4, 2013

Hunting...

This is exactly what I wanted. To have you here like this, all to myself. You can try to run, but we both know how this will end, you will try to escape only to later succumb to my charm. You really never have been able to fight me, my seductive methods, and oh how you try. 

The sight of you lying in my bed, almost like God sent you to this earth...aren't you a sight for hungry eyes!
Move, come on, let's play a bit, delay the inevitable, makes this game, my game, more fun. 

And to think my mother always told me not to play with my food... obviously she never knew how much fun it could be to hunt. Or maybe she never knew what it was to hunt like this. I'm excited, hot, turned on even, by this, by you.

Your body is warm. You look delicious.  I wonder if you taste how you look? I'm sure you do.
Ah, to taste you, how wonderful! I'm sure every inch of you will be as delectable. I'm like a kid who has been let loose at a chocolate factory. 

But I'm being so rude. Would you like a taste?  I wouldn't mind. We can make this more fun, and in the end...well, you know, after all, I am the black widow, and tonight, you are my prey.

Friday, May 3, 2013

Darkness falls

don't leave me....

I can't find my voice. I watch you walk away and I want to shout out to you, I want to hold you, but something keeps me rooted to the spot, silent. "please don't go". The phrase is loud in my head, but it fails to reach my mouth. Tears start coming down my eyes. You're walking away, and I can't stop you. You turn one last time to look at me and I see the pain in your eyes. Why won't you stay? Can't you hear me screaming out your name, pleading?

I'm angry, I'm hurt, I'm desperate, I'm in pain, I'm sorry, I'm a mixture of so many emotions, confusion clouding my judgement. I'm broken.

I hear the door close and you're no longer here. This place is empty. I want to scream and still I can't seem to find my voice. Where has it gone? I just want to let go, crumble on the floor, but I am still rooted, still unable to move. It is as if I was trapped in my own body, unable to do anything. Night falls, outside I can see the sky turn dark, and it seems to cover the house, taking the light from every corner. Just the same I feel the darkness crawl onto me, surrounding, invading me, wrapping my heart in it, turning it cold, like stone. 

There are no more tears running down my cheeks, everything is silent, even my breathing seems to have stopped, not even my heartbeat can be heard. It is all...dead. It's cold, but I don't notice. I notice nothing, except this overbearing silence. 

I look around once more and notice this is not my house, not our house, or not anymore. Suddenly my head clears and I hear your voice as if from a distant place.

"I'm sorry I couldn't keep you safe"

The meaning of that phrase hits me like a wave and I realize you weren't the one that left. It was me. I was the one who stopped fighting, who stopped...me. It wasn't me pleading, it was you. I simply stopped moving. I welcomed darkness, because it was easier, it was less painful, it was silent, so I gave in. 

It was me who left you alone...