Tuesday, December 31, 2013
So with all my heartfelt gratitude, I say 'Goodbye 2013, thank you for the million and one experiences you gave me. And to you, my dear 2014, may you bring a million more experiences to live. Today I shall raise my glass, and cheer in your honor. Cheers to a new year, to new oportunities, to new moments, to new experiences, to new ideas, and to new ways to reach out to all of those, who like me, still dream and still hope. Tonight my glass will be held up hihg, in your honor. Cheer and Welcome!"
Thursday, December 5, 2013
This more often than not, I suffer from. Ironic since I write so much.
But whenever that happens to me I turn to the other practice that helps me escape this twisted reality we live in. I escape to the world of books. Fantastic stories, told by mirifical writers. And every now and then, I come across a simple, yet magical piece of work, that tugs at my heart, and I am spared having to say, write, express, signal, my emotions.
This is not written by me, and does not come from anyone I personally know, but it is just beautiful.
Wednesday, December 4, 2013
Wednesday, November 20, 2013
Thursday, November 14, 2013
Thursday, November 7, 2013
Monday, October 7, 2013
Monday, September 30, 2013
Wednesday, September 18, 2013
Me: I live here.
You: I mean, here with me.
Me: You came to me.
You: and you let me.
Me: Why would I push you?
You: because you are... I mean, I am not... I don't even know how to explain this.
Me: try words, they can help sometimes.
You: let me try a different angle here.
You: What did I do to deserve you?
Me: I don't understand.
You: I'm an ass, most of the time. You are...just wonderful.
Me: well thank you. But you are not an ass.
You: what do you see in me?
Me: I see you for who you really are, not for who you want others to think you are.
You: how's that?
Me: you are a wonderful person. Smart, funny, sensible, you have common sense, you're sexy, and you have a beautiful smile.
You: I am also a pain in the ass, that is whenever I am not being an ass. Sarcastic, ironic, and love to give people hell.
Me: oh yes, I know that. But that is not the whole of you. That is just a part of you, the dark part, if you want to call it that way.
You: and that is OK with you?
Me: that is part of you, why would it not be OK?
You: Some people run when they see that part of me.
Me: I am not some people. And besides, there is darkness and light in everyone, is what makes people interesting, desirable even. Your 'dark' does not trump out your good, and vice versa. It's all a matter of perspective I guess, and I chose to focus on your good things, rather than allow myself to heighten the bad.
You: I wish more people were like you.
Me: then the world would be a boring place.
You: why do you say that?
Me: there would be no variety, just the same. And we all know the same can be sooo boring, and potentially dangerous.
You: I meant it when I said it all those years ago.
Me: said what?
You: you deserve more.
Me: more than what?
You: More than I can give you.
Me: I have never asked you for anything more.
You: and that is exactly the reason you deserve it. An angel deserves heaven.
Me: An angel may deserve heaven, but she may chose earth or even hell to live in.
You: Why would the angel chose hell.
Me: because the angel may love a man, or the devil, and even the devil deserves to be loved, or at least be given the chance to.
You: but the angel may burn.
Me: that would be the angel's choice. And besides, just as the angel may burn, the devil may love.
You: you really see the world in a different light.
Me: to survive, some have to. I guess I have been blessed.
You: then so have I.
Me: how so?
You: I get to be with you.
Tuesday, September 17, 2013
Thursday, August 22, 2013
Tuesday, August 20, 2013
One by one you undo the buttons, until you reach the last one, your lips curling in a provocative smile. Your eyes locked on mine, as you revel in the pleasure undressing me gives you, and the sweet torture you give me. You take my shirt off, making every effort to carress my skin as you let it drop to the floor.
Thursday, August 8, 2013
Thursday, August 1, 2013
Wednesday, July 10, 2013
Tuesday, July 9, 2013
Tuesday, June 25, 2013
Monday, June 24, 2013
I believe this to be true. I saw it in his face right before he took the decision that would finally give him that long desired peace. I saw it in the faces of all those who stood by my side watching that old friend wave goodbye on that final day. And now, whether by desire or by certainty, i feel it once more crawling inside, and i see the looks of others as i feel the walls closing in, and the door shutting slowly. Could it be my turn to leave? Is the final chapter of this long and dramatic story really being written? Is it finally time to move on? To willingly defy gravity?
Oh i hope so, because this time i am ready to leap.
Friday, June 21, 2013
Maybe I am a coward or maybe I am just hoping that I don't have to be the one to... but then... so...yeah.
Is just that...well, I just...you know...and so do I...but I can't...I won't...I just...
I guess this is all I can say. Even if it doesn't make much sense.
Tuesday, June 11, 2013
Saturday, June 8, 2013
Thursday, May 23, 2013
Friday, May 17, 2013
I remember a time in my life when everything seemed to go right and things were simpler. A time when I would ask for something and get it. When I didn't have to think about doing something so much, because it could affect someone and the consequences could be potentially devastating.
I remember a time when a kiss was more than just a kiss. It was an expression of desire, tenderness, of love. It meant an emotional connection between two pe
ople. It was a time when a kiss was the beginning of something wonderful, rather than a bittersweet goodbye.
I remember a time when words of joy would flow from my hands onto the paper and I would bring smiles to peoples faces. When I felt the sun shine brighter, my heart beat faster, my blood burn hotter. A time when the winds would speak to me and my soul would understand.
I remember a time when all I wanted was for you to hug me, to hold me, to keep me from harm, to love me. It was the time when all you needed was my smile, my hand on yours, my love in return.
There is one thing though that I remember most, but wish I didn't. I remember the last time we saw each other. I remember you standing on the door, lingering. Things were no longer simple; I could no longer ask and get right away, neither could you; we had acted, and the consequences turned out to be more than devastating. There were no more kisses, no more tenderness, no more love. You were standing there, looking at me, and we didn't hug each other; I didn't hold out my hand to you. We were broken, and there were no means of repairing this, of repairing us.
Sunlight was replaced by eternal grey skies; my heart, it felt, stopped beating; my blood didn't burn anymore. And all of a sudden, all was quiet, for even the winds stayed still.
I don't know how it happened, or when it happened, but I know it did, and as much as I remember, I wish I could forget.
Only that forgetting that would mean forgetting you. And even with the unbearable pain of that last day, at least, I got to say goodbye.
Tuesday, May 14, 2013
I have recently been blessed with reaching thirty years of my life, and everything is supposed to be different, to feel different, or so people say, yet it doesn't. I still feel like a teenager when I see the guy I like. I still smile like an idiot when he looks my way or even after he kisses me. I still do stupid things that I end up regreting immediately after. I am supposed to be all grown up and yet I still feel like a kid.
I have gotten this far and still don't have the answers. I have lived so much but still don't know where I am supposed to go or even how I am supposed to get there. I know things have changed, but I can't really say how or when.
We are supposed to walk in our paths and learn so many valuable lessons along the way, yet, I feel I have learned nothing and life is ahead of me, waiting, inviting.
Maybe it's not about figuring it all out. Maybe it's about just walking ahead and trying to be smart enough not to make the same mistakes. And if by any chance we were not smart and ended up messing up even more, then, maybe it's about having the strength to say "I fucked up, now let me try to fix it, and if I can't, let me just move on, keep walking".
Maybe we are not supposed to "grow up" but "grow wise". I would surely prefer the latter one.
I don't have the answers, but maybe, just maybe, I am not meant to.
Thursday, May 9, 2013
This is a place I find peace at, with the sweet summer's breeze coming in through my window and the smell of the sea's salty water caressing my senses, I feel at ease. I know that it is the perfect setting for me to finish the story, but the words, the phrases, the images escape me. Maybe I am too at ease here, or maybe it's that phrase, that one phrase I can't seem to get out of my head...
"will you dance for me now?"
That is all he had to say. It was the one phrase that would cause all my senses to just go haywire. There was history between us, and a lot of it. We were friends before we became lovers, and still then, we were best friends. Something happened along the way, something that made us part, follow different paths. We were so young then, we believed we could overcome anything, but our innocence, and foolish beliefs blinded us from the cruelty of this world. Our thirst for greatness, I believe, was one of the things that got in our way. We became so obsessed about everything else, that we forgot about each other. I guess I could say, we stopped fighting for one another.
Time was of the essence, just not for us to share it. But that phrase... I came here to escape him, and he followed me, not physically, I don't think he wants to anymore, but in my mind, in my body, he is still here.
Wednesday, May 8, 2013
I look around and see the dried roses by the table and I remember. It didn't use to be this way. This house was once a home. It was once warm and full of joy. Even on rainy days like this, this place was bright. But things change, people...well people they disappoint us, they lie to us, and then, they leave us. The roses, they represent something great, something strong, something full of possibilities, and yet, dried as they are, they represent something gone, just like the life and color in them.
The rain has decreased but the wind still blows hard. It comes in through the creeks and it sounds like a song. I wonder if it is trying to tell me something. I doubt I would understand anyways. It blows all around me and I can almost feel as though it wrapped itself around my heart. I'm going numb, it's getting darker. I could cry, but there are no more tears in my eyes. I could scream, but my voice has left me. I no longer have the strength to fight for something that seems hopeless.
I look outside and I see...I see nothing but grey skies and rain; and I can't help thinking "I'm alone, I'm numb and nothing but memories remain"
Saturday, May 4, 2013
The sight of you lying in my bed, almost like God sent you to this earth...aren't you a sight for hungry eyes!
Friday, May 3, 2013
Saturday, April 27, 2013
Thursday, April 25, 2013
I keep on blaming the full moon, but then again, I keep on getting like this every time she is full.
Is as if everything plays in slow motion in my mind, certain acts emphasized. Not only can I see it, but I can also hear it, feel it, taste it.
I see your lips, close to mine, approaching, then pressing, just a little, tasting, guiding mine. I see my mouth opening to let you in, and your tongue meeting mine. I hear a moan, not sure if it comes from you or me, but I really don't care.
God! I need to control myself, my thoughts. It's in vain though, even breathing is hard. My breasts push against my bra and I can almost hear their desperate cry for release. For your touch, your caress. That same cry runs through my entire body, making every part of it tender.
Desire, lust, they run through my body and everything calls out for you. It's an insatiable thirst.
On the outside, I seem to be in total control, on the inside, I'm burning. I close my e
yes and the image of you and I, tearing each other apart in frantic lovemaking, is the one thing that comes up.
what am I to do?
Monday, April 22, 2013
I am sitting in my office, doing the same thing I do every day for the past two years. Same place, same people, same things, nothing changes. It has been like this since I came to this place, always the same.
the clock hist 9 am, the day is just starting, and I am already bored to my mind. I get a call from a friend, it really isn't strange, I always get calls from her; her tone also is the same, she is always a happy, perky person, however what she asks me when I say "hi" is the strange thing.
-Guess who I have in front of me?-
I find it odd, she is asking me to guess something that is almost impossible to guess. She assists close to 200 people a day and we both know a good amount of people for her to ask me that. I'm baffled.
-Ummm, sweetie, we know way too many people for me to even try to answer that question, so spare me the suspense and please tell me who you have in front of you-
I can hear the smile in her voice
At the name my heart skips a beat, my mouth all of a sudden watery and all the muscles down there clench. At my silence she goes on
-He wants your number, I will give it to him since you seem to have lost your voice-
I can hear her laughing out loud now. All I am able to utter is a weak, yes, and then she hangs up. The Ambassador. He had been what I could only describe as a sex God, a walking orgasm. One of those guys you see and you know they are that good. He oozed sex, and my God had he been good in bed. But we lost contact about 2-3 years ago.He had left. I found out that he had come back and I spent about 6 months trying to get a contact number for him, and when I did it turned out to be a wrong number. He vanished into thin air so I thought it must be fate shuffling cards again and playing with us, so I decided to not try anymore and if fate should want us to be together one more time, fate would bring him to me. Apparently I was right because he had walked right into my world.
An hour after I get a call from an unknown number. When I pick up the first thing I hear is his voice
-I've been searching for you left and right for the past two years, where have you been?-
Again, my heart starts jumping up and down and I feel as if its about to come out of my chest.
-Waiting for you- I manage to say.
I hear him smile, God! I remember that wicked smile of his, always there right before hell broke lose and we turned the bedroom upside down in frantic lovemaking.
-You disappeared- He says with a sexy drawl.
-so did you- I say back, not helping a smile.
-I want to see you, it's been too long and we have to catch up, I really want to... talk...- He let the phrase trail and I knew exactly what he wanted to "talk" about.
-I'm working- As much as I want to see him I know it is not right to sound desperate. Though all I want to do is run to meet him, rip his clothes off and let our bodies burn. Still I hold back...for now.
-Yes, that is a bit obvious since our friend called you at work. At what time do you go out to lunch?- His voice drops a bit, and again I can hear him smile.
-At 1 pm. why?- I ask even though I know why, I just want him to say it, hearing him say it makes me feel...more.
-You know why. I want to see you, I need to see you, touch you, it's been too long and I remember so much. I just want to see if all I remember is, well, you know..
Oh God!, my insides are going crazy, and desire is threatening to take over rational thinking. But I need to fight it. As much as I want to, one hour will not be enough, I know it wont, not with him.
-If you remember as much as you say you do, then you also remember that I hate rushing things- There! That should calm him down a bit.
-Yes, I remember, I also remember the exact things that you like to take slow, and the ones you love to take hard and with just the right amount of speed- ok..so that did not slow him down and now some parts of me are beginning to get moist, oh the memories!
-I can't now. And besides, you already have my number, so what is the rush?- I try once more, I don't want to give in so easily, and besides, a little anticipation can make it so much more fun and enjoyable. I hear him sigh.
-I am leaving today-
oh! disappointment crawls inside of me and shatters any hope I had to meet up with him. After a few seconds, that seemed more like an eternity of silence, I find my voice and ask
-For how long?- I hold my breath anticipating the worst possible answer.
-A month- after he said it I let out a very audible breath and I smile. What's a month when I've waited for so long already?
-Oh! and here I thought it was going to be longer. We can surely wait a month- I sound optimistic again, but there is silence on the other end.
-I want to see you, I don't think I can bear it, I finally find you only to leave you again, it kills me- He sounds desperate, sad even. I am at a loss for words. Suddenly I feel that there is more to his wanting to see me than what he is letting out. His voice is changing.
-Don't be sad. It's just a month and I will be here when you come back.- He sighs, and the episode of our goodbye two years ago comes to my mind, and somehow I know, it comes to his too. It is not just about sex anymore.
-Unlike two years ago. Why didn't you wait for me then?- There it is. He says what I want to keep hidden, what I don't want to face, not yet. Two years ago he had left for another country. Before he left he asked me if I would wait, I said no.
-You know why. We were not really together, you had other...commitments as did I, bigger ones, you had given your word and we had agreed that it was just going to be fun for us, no more than that. You should not have asked me to wait for you, you knew the answer.- Another sigh from him and my heart is pounding so hard now, threatening to come out my throat.
-I know. I'm sorry. A lot has changed since then. Well, one thing remains the same.-
-What is that?- I ask, but I really don't want to know. I am afraid of the answer.
-We really do need to talk. I have to go now, but please, wait for me this time.-
I don't want to hang up. I know I have to, it's only a month, but I don't want to hang up.
-What is that one thing that has not changed?- I ask in spite of feeling I shouldn't.
-The reason I asked you to wait for me two years ago. It is the same reason I am asking you to wait for me now. I will come back, and I will look for you. And if you are not there, I will find you, even if it takes me two more years.
I want to know more, but I have to let him go. I have to force myself. It was only a month. Besides the days go by so fast now.
-I will be here. You already know where to find me so come back, I will be waiting.
Saturday, April 20, 2013
Maybe I made I mistake, maybe I shouldn't have left...
Her: are you angry with me?
Him: should I be?
Her: you haven't spoken to me in days
Him: I've been busy
Her: I've heard that before
Him: it's the truth, I have been busy.
Her: if you say so.
Him: I had a good time the other night.
Her: you could have fooled me.
Him: I called you after, shouldn't that be a sign that I did.
Her: I guess...
Him: of course that was until I woke up to an empty bed.
Her: I am sorry, you looked so nice sleeping that I didn't want to wake you.
Him: you could have left a note at least.
Her: didn't think it would be a big deal.
Him: you always behave like this?
Her: like what?
Him: like a guy.
Her: you always behave like a girl?
Him: only when they treat me like one.
Her: I did say I was sorry. And besides, you could have fooled me.
Him: how so?
Her: in regards to it bothering you at all.
Him: why do you say that?
Her: because you keep on parading around with other girls.
Him: oh, that bothers you. You were the one who left, not me.
Her: so you are using that as an excuse?
Him: not an excuse, a reality.
Him: I did have a great time, but the truth is you left and I thought that maybe you didn't really want anything more than that.
Her: Is not like I am looking for a relationship, but how would you feel if I showed up with a guy after you and I...well you know.
Him: well again, I would have to stick it, is not like you and I are together.
Her: so can I ask you why you keep flirting with me, even when with her. Doesn't she get upset?
Him: she does not understand half of the things we say.
Her: you're being disrespectful to her, and to me.
Him: I don't see it like that.
Her: oh please, enlighten me, how do you see it?
Him: we had fun. I would like for it to happen again, and correct me if I'm wrong, but I get the feeling you're not so indifferent since you keep on flirting with me too.
Him: so, why can't we just keep it simple?
Her: meaning, why not continue to fuck whenever we feel like it, keep all feelings out of it and not get upset if any of us goes out and fucks other people?
Him: in a nutshell, yes.
Her: you're a bastard.
Him: why am I a bastard? You said yourself you don't want a relationship.
Her: yes, I did.
Him: and even if we were to want one, we can't and you know the million reasons why.
Her: yes, I do.
Him: so... why am I a bastard for trying to make things simple. What is it that bothers you really?
Her: you, just showing off with these girls, makes me feel used.
Him: oh that's rich coming from you.
Her: really! are you not letting that go?
Him: have you tried to put yourself in my shoes?
Her: have you tried to put yourself in mine?
Him: not really
Her: I figured.
Him: let me ask you something, since it bothers you so much, and since I am more confused now than I was before. What is it that you want from me?
Him: what do you want?
Him: ok, let me try again to make it simple and hopefully this time you wont bite my head off.
Her: I'm listening.
Him: we can't have a relationship, we have fun together, you want it, I want it. Why not just continue getting it?
Her: what about the other girls?
Him: what about them, do you by any chance want to get it on with them too?
Her: don't be stupid. I have better taste.
Him: wao! feisty. But if you are not interested in them, why do they matter. Enjoy me, the fun we can have, while I am here and forget about the rest.
Her: you make it sound so simple.
Him: because it is.
Her: according to you...