Love Quotes

It was only a moment, but in that moment I loved you more than I will ever love anyone in a lifetime.

Tuesday, September 18, 2012

What would you do?

What would you do if you knew your time here on earth is limited, that the minutes are counted? What would you do if you knew the exact date you are going to die?
Would you be more kind? Would you be more tolerant? Would you try and do all those things you said you would but never really had the courage to? Would you finally tell that one person all you wanted to say?
Would you feel scared, dread? Or would you feel release, peace? How would you look at things? From a positive standpoint? Or would you wallow in self misery? Would you make the most out of what little time you have, or would you try desperately to speed it up so you could get it over with?
How would you choose to spend your last days on this planet?
I once met a man, a beautiful man, mind and soul. He was the type of person you could really talk to, a person who knew how to value friendship. We became friends, we became family. But he was ill. It was a terminal disease and we all knew it. The illness was caused, in part, by him. He was a smoker and cancer became his best friend. We pleaded for him to stop smoking, to at least buy him more time, but he refused. Looking back I realized that we didn't want more time for him, we wanted more time for us with him. Every time we would ask him why he continued to smoke he would reply "At least I know how and why I am going to die, what about you?"
He did know. He sped up time and left us here, missing him. He got it over with. In a way I think he gave up, not wanting to pretend he could avoid the inevitable, but that doesn't mean I agree with his decision.
I know we all have to die at some point, but if YOU knew, if you really KNEW, what would YOU do?

Tuesday, September 4, 2012

Underneath the skin

When will it be enough? When will I be able to not feel so restless anymore and just breath? Why can't this ever go away?

I have done everything in my power to find peace, but it seems to elude me. I have engaged in every possible artistic way, in the hopes I could exorcise my soul and rid myself of this excess of sentiment that, at times it seems to almost consume me. It's such an irony in itself, and excess that consumes, that becomes a huge void. But is the only way I can explain it.

It's so big, so much bigger than what I am capable of controlling. Why would I be given so much to feel if it suffocates me? I have tried it all and nothing works, I can't find one peaceful moment, except...

Except for that moment. But I know that much as I wish, I can't always have it. I can't always rely on that moment to apace my apparent insatiable need for release; and how I need it. I need the silence, I need the nothingness. I need for my body to stop vibrating, I need for my brain to be quiet, I need to get it all out. But no matter what I do, how much I talk or write, it is still there, as if lurking in the dark, just waiting. Waiting for me to look the other way for just a fraction of a second and then it attacks. It attaches itself to my chest, my heart, my very soul and settles there.

If only I could cry, maybe it would be less oppressive. But even the tears have left me. I am alone with this, with all of this. If I scream? No, it would only give me momentary relief. It seems impossible, it seems I am meant to live with this all my life, or maybe...maybe, just that.

I hope one day I will find a way, one day I will learn, and that day, I will be free.

Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device