Tuesday, July 24, 2012
He can see the sun descending from the sky, sinking into the west and giving way to dusk. He can feel the cool breeze caressing his face, striving to take all his concerns away. He can hear as down below in the streets, the noises of the everyday traffic start to dim.
He can see and feel and hear all this, while sitting there on the ledge. But he sees nothing of it, is as if his eyes were blind to anything but the image of her. As if his ears where deaf to anything but the memory of the sound of her voice, and is almost as if his senses captured nothing but the faint smell of her skin, left on the sheets of the bed when she was here.
He is oblivious to the beauty around him, to the buildings, the sun, the breeze, the warmth. Nothing matters but her, her touch as warm as a summers breeze; her kisses, passionate as the strength of a tornado; her smell as sweet as the first flowers bloom of spring; the sound of her voice calling out his name in ecstasy, as melodic and enthralling as the sound of a thousand bird songs all combined to form a symphony of pure delight.
She is the one thing that occupies his mind, that fills it completely, almost becoming an obsessive thought.
It was only a day. He had her for only a moment, but in that moment he loved more that in an entire lifetime. In that moment he discovered the truth about complete surrender. In that instant that she was his, he understood the meaning of life for a man. He realized that no matter how much you do, how far you go, how long you live, the reason for a man's life, the ultimate goal for them is but to be with that One woman that will unquestionably fill their mind, body and soul for the rest of time.
Sunday, July 22, 2012
I believe in destiny. I do. I believe in letting destiny take it's course, in allowing the universe to come to terms with the energy of life and present you with certain situations. I believe in people. I believe in the good in them and in allowing them to learn each lesson in their own time and in their own way. I believe in life, in the magic around it and in the good and the bad that comes with it.
I also believe that there are times when we have to take things into our own hands and force certain events to occur. We have to set things in motion, so other things can happen. It can be something subtle, like a call, a look, a touch. Or it can be something drastic, like a planned meeting.
I believe that in certain moments, some people have to be forced to see the reality of things and act. I believe in taking action in the process of the punishment the universe has in place for those who deny assistance and help to the ones that ask for it. Even more so than the ones that needed. This may seem weird, but the reason is that it takes courage to ask for help, whereas the ones that need it and never say anything can go unnoticed.
I believe that in your case, I should act, I should participate, I should take matters in to hand, and aid the universe in the planning and carrying out of your punishment, for so bluntly refusing to help one of the people dearest to me. You knew and you had the means, yet you refused. You may have not said no directly, but you withheld vital information, and for that I believe you should be severely damaged. Maybe you didn't consider it vital, but it was a life and death situation and you held back. I should act. I should set things in motion. But what is the point. I will be content in knowing that this post will find it's way to you and you will know that I know, and the guilt will hurt you deeper than any action I could take. Remorse will be your best friend, and pain will be your companion, for knowing that when you were needed, you refused.
This will be my punishment for you, and I know the universe and probably the people around you will aid me in this.
Until another time.
To you my Knight in Rotten Armor.
Thursday, July 19, 2012
When I was young I met a wonderful boy. He was a bit shy when around new people, but I soon realized he was just observant. We became good friends since we had so much in common. As we grew up our friendship became stronger and at a point we were like family. We would do almost everything together, hang out every day, we would even finish each other sentences. we became so in tune with each other that it seemed as if we lived in our own universe, one that no one else could belong to. We created our own little bubble in which we existed. Then, like always puberty hit and with it our interest in other boys and girls. We started dating but still kept that special link between us. It would make our respective boyfriends/girlfriends so jealous. They would always say that we were the ones that looked like a couple. We didn't see it. Our close friends would joke about it, but in time they just gave it up and got used to it. We didn' care.
We got older and that age when society demands for you to settle down and start a family, but we seemed incapable of doing such a thing. We could never find a person that would stay long enough or that would try to get to know us. Or maybe we just wanted to find what we had created for ourselves outside of our friendship. We saw many heartbreaks. Our partners would continue to change, but we were constant through it. One crazy night, under the effect of the ever deceiving alcohol we dared say that which we had manage to hide from each other for so long. It started as a joke "you and I would be the perfect couple" he said. "why" I asked. "because we understand each other, because we can be silly around each other, and because we don't pretend" he said.
I laughed, but something inside of me recognized this as a reality, as a blunt truth. Somehow, at some point he kissed me, and I kissed him back. And as the kiss deepened my body started responding to him like it had never done to anyone else. Almost as if my body knew something I had forgotten. It seemed his body understood mine as well, for he kept getting closer until there was no more space between us. I could feel his heart beating faster and faster, getting confused with my own. His breath on my face, on my neck, on every part of my body. My hands reached for his hair, they knew the way through his body, is as if they were on familiar territory. I don't need to go on. It happened and for a moment we flew together. Then morning came and realization of what had happened hit us. fear engulfed us and we built walls around us to try and protect what we had. We pretended that nothing happened. Pretended to go on as usual. We avoided each other for a long time, thinking that it would help us preserve what we had. We were wrong. We didn't realize that by avoiding each other, by pretending that what we felt didn't exist, we created an abyss so deep we could not see the bottom of it, so wide that it no bridge could be built around it. We pretended, and we moved on.
Finally we got married with other people and we talked less and less to each other until we didn't talk anymore. Years after, so many years after I fell sick. It wasn't one of those diseases you could heal with medication, this one seemed to resist all attempts at cure. Somehow he found out about it and out of nowhere he came back. Many years had passed and it showed in our faces and bodies. Yet he still retained some of that spark from when we were young. I had been weakened by the disease but I could see something in his eyes, something different. He took my hand and smiled at me. I smiled back without knowing why, but I smiled. I felt my entire body light up.
He told me how his marriage hadn't worked and how through the years he had somehow kept tabs on me. He knew about my divorce years back, how I had gracefully recovered from it only to be hit by this incurable disease. He told me how for many months he had prayed that I would recover so he could come to me and say that he had loved me for ever, and that he had been too blind and too much of a coward to see it, and then he had been to weak, he had let me go and not come after me. That it had been the biggest mistake of his life.
I was at a loss for words. Even after hearing him say it I couldn't believe it. He must have noticed for he said it again, and again while lowering his face to mine and kissing me. I felt a surge of energy run through my body, answer to him. I felt my face getting wet and when he pulled back I could not tell if the tears were coming from his eyes or mine. I managed to say it. I managed to tell him I loved him. And as I did I could feel my as my life's energy diminished. I smiled at him, and he kissed me. As he looked at me with all the love of so many years and so many lives ago, I gave him my last breath with an "I love you, for always"
Him: are you saying what I think you are saying?
Her: it's over.
Him: yeah, I thought I heard that.
Her: don't be like that.
Him: like what?
Him: oh, ok. Let me put on my happy face and pretend this is all just fun and cheery and happy and pretend I didn't just feel the air being punched out of mu lungs or that the earth just broke under me.
Her: you knew this was coming.
Him: the same way you know a tornado is forming.
Her: I'm sorry.
Him: no you're not. At least have the decendy to admit it.
Her: is not you...
Him: don't even finish that cliche phrase and of course is me. Is me you're breaking up with.
Her: I have to keep on moving.
Him: as long as it takes you away from me.
Her: stop it!
Him: just go!
Her: will you be ok?
Him: what do you care, you're tossing me aside like I am some piece of old rag.
Her: you're angry.
Him: no! can't you see me smiling and jumping up and down from the joy of you leaving me after all this time?
Her: I deserve this.
Him: no, the things you deserve are not even written. But I wont do this anymore. Leave, leave me to lick my wounds. And by the way, say hi to him for me.
Her: (wide eyed) say hi...?
Him: please don't pretend. I am not that stupid. I know you have been seeing someone else for a while. I just hoped we could grow through this. You made a promise to me. I hoped you owuld honor it.
Her: I didn't mean to
Him: I am sure!
Her: I do love you.
Him: you just love him more. Why are you still here?
Her: I don't know.
Him: go away. There is nothing more for you to say to me or for me to do. I have given you everything I have and then more. You cannot take anything else from me. You already took the last of what I had left and tossed it away.
Best friend: Hey, where you calling me?
Him: not over the phone.
Best friend: she left didn't she?
Him: it shows?
Best friend: beer, food, ramdom songs or sitting in silence.
Best friend: guns?
Best friend: and beer
Saturday, July 14, 2012
There was nothing different about this party, there was good music, good dancers. I danced, careless of anything else. I knew someone was waiting for me at home, and some part of me looked forward to it, though another part of me secretly wished for other excitements. I reproached myself for having such thoughts, but I have learned that some things cannot be ignored and somehow the universe always conspires to give you that which you want, if you really want it.
It was past midnight when he showed up. My body felt him immediately. I hadn't seen him yet, but my body tensed, sensing something exciting, something familiar, something I wanted and desired was close. And then, the crowd cleared and I saw him looking at me. It seemed like a scene taken out of a movie. He looked so handsome. I felt as if the air in my system left me and had to remind myself that I needed to continue breathing. It didn't happen like that, but to me everything was is slow motion.His gaze was intent, and then he smiled, he smiled at me. I must have seemed like a teenager; I could feel my cheeks turning red and burning hot. It was as if time had done nothing but justice to him. To his perfectly sculpted body, to that dark hair, those soft lips, and those penetrating eyes. His eyes; I felt hypnotized. Without noticing it or even knowing how or when I found myself walking toward him and him walking toward me. In an instant we were facing each other, we were supposed to say something. courtesy and manners were expected, but we said nothing, we just stared at each other and we held an entire conversation without uttering a word. In his eyes I could see the same desire as I had. His hand moved to grab mine. It felt right, felt as if it belonged there and ached for morel, my entire body ached for more. There was music playing in the background, but to me it was blurred. He pulled me closer to him until I could feel the warmth of his chest and smell him. He smelt wonderful, he smelled of man.We started, somehow, moving to the rhythm of the music. I can't tell if it was the one playing or the rhythm of our bodies, though I guess it wasn't the latter because otherwise we would have not ended up with clothes on.
Everything was magical, it was different. Some small part of me reminded me that someone else was waiting for me, but I did not care, in that moment I had what I had longed for so long and I could feel his pulse increasing. Slightly he pushed me apart and my head started feeling dizzier as he lowered his head to kiss me.
Oh God! in the moment I felt the world disappear. Nothing else existed, nothing mattered. His lips felt like wonderland, I wanted more, I wanted it all. As if understanding my silent plea, he pushed me apart and still holding my eyes he took me by the hand and walked me out of the bar. No one said anything, no one called or cared. A dim and distant voice in my head tried to remind me that there was someone still waiting for me, but It was too frail to get the message across. We went to his car, he opened the door and closed it after I was in. He climbed onto the drivers seat and started the engine. He looked at me as if asking where to, but the answer was as clear to him as it was to me. He drove and with his freehand kept mine in his, kissing it all the while.
We reached his house; my nerves were at breaking point. He opened the door for me, took me again by the hand and lead the way. Into the door, up the stairs and into his room. I remember nothing of the house, at least not that night. I was too mesmerized by him, almost as if under some sort of spell, but if that was so then we were both under it.
Once in his room he turned to me and just stood there for a moment. In his eyes I could see him asking for permission, as if he was afraid we were moving too fast. In that second he broke down the remaining of whatever defense I might have had. I took a step forward and kissed him. It was a soft kiss, at the beginning, bu then it turned wild, hungry. Years of wanting, of holding back, of raw desire and lust denied found their way through our skin, our hands, our lips. He must have taken my clothes off because I don't remember ever doing it. Everything happened in a sort of blissful dizzy haze. He was naked in front of me, standing like the reincarnation of The David. He must have noticed that I was feeling a bit insecure, because he looked at me and said "you are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen". He knew how to undo me, that was it. We stumbled on the bed and he made me his over and over again until I saw heaven along with all the angels, I heard bells, head the trumpets of triumph. I don't know how long we were in his house, all I know is I woke up in his arms, in a tight embrace and he was looking at me with a satisfied smile in his face. I guess I must have had the same expression as his smile broadened when I opened my eyes. The sun was filtering through the windows. I wanted to ask the time but I didn't care. All I cared was that the night had been perfect and the way he was looking at me, the day promised to be even more wonderful.
Wednesday, July 11, 2012
Him: no I wasn't.
Her: she wasn't looking, but I was.
Him: at her?
Her: at you.
Him: and what did you see?
Her: everything you deny yourself.
Him: what is that?
Him: you don't know what you talk about.
Her: maybe, but I know what I see, and I see you looking at her as if she was the one thing in this world you never want to let go.
Her: you are amazing.
Her: why don't you tell her?
Him: it's complicated.
Her: it will be as complicated as you two make it.
Him: you don't know.
Her: you forget I was here when it all happened, and long before that as well.
Him: it is still too complicated. She is my best friend
Her: no she isn't.
Her: she is your soul mate.
Him: is there even such a thing?
Her: it is where the two of you are concerned.
Him: is too hard.
Her: nothing worth it is ever easy.
Him: it can't be
Him: because it will screw everything up.
Her: let me guess. You would rather be her friend and not risk loosing that, that be her partner and risk damaging the friendship.
Him: something like that.\
Her: ah, I see.
Her: you're afraid.
Him: no I am not.
Her: yes you are. You're afraid she wont think you are good enough.
Him: I am not.
Her: you are so lost. You don't see it.
Him: see what?
Her: you two have this secret world that only the two of you can go to. When you talk to each other is as if you spoke your own language. When you touch her, your hand rests on her body as if it belonged there, and she looks at you as if the moon's beauty shone out of your eyes. You two share something so rare, something not everybody finds. You share a soul.
Him: you talk as if you knew some secret of us that not even we knew about.
Her: that is because I do.
Him: care to share.
Her: nah! it is fun for me seeing you two try to find out what it is.
Him: is it worth it?
Her: how many times have you been hurt?
Him: more than I can count.
Her: yet you still look for it, long for it, race after it.
Her: so you tell me if it is worth it.
Him: I always choose wrong.
Her: that is because you are not chasing after the right person.
Him: is still too complicated.
Her: I am sure it is., But then again, that is what makes it worth it. After all, no great love story has an easy history.
Him: this one is looking more like a tragedy.
Her: nah, it reminds me of One Day.
Him: they ended up together years after their affair.
Him: are you suggesting we will end up together.
Her: I am only suggesting you will end up where your heart chooses, if you choose not to ignore it.
Him: you talk as if you knew me.
Her: maybe I don't, but I know love and I know her. And this story, it's ending is still years away.
Him: Yeah,well... One Day?
Her: One Day. It is bound to happen. Eventually you two will realize what you truly mean to each other and forget about the complications, the what if's and the rest of the world, and that day, you two will be happy, you two will be home.
Best friend: what are you two doing?
Best friend: you talk too much.
Her: I know, but someone has to do it.
Best friend: did I miss something.
Him: nothing that you don't already know.