Love Quotes

It was only a moment, but in that moment I loved you more than I will ever love anyone in a lifetime.

Saturday, June 25, 2011

Girl Talk

The dentist: Hello Fucker

Her: Look who’s talking. Had your morning session today dear?

The artist: You know she did, she is as much a nympho as you are.

The doctor: Or you.

The prude: Or you.

Her: Yeah, this comes from the prude!

The dentist: yeah, broken any beds lately milky way?

The doctor: what is her mark again?

The artist: 3 in a year.

The prude: Hey, I am chubby, remember?

Her: And I am myself, nice to meet you.

The prude: Respect me!

The dentist: we respect you, you are just in denial.

The artist: more like a hypocrite.

The doctor: she still says she doesn’t swallow?

The Rocker: Who the prude is still in denial?

All: hey!

Her: we were almost calling you.

The dentist:  why are you so late?

The rocker: was having my morning milk.

The doctor: was it good?

The rocker: I loved it!

The artist: see prude? She is not in denial.

The prude: isn’t that a river?

Her: dear Lord, someone please.

The dentist: Pay no attention. By the way, how come you are shinning so much?

Her: Fucking Fridays, marathon style!!

The artist: No wonder!

Her: you are not one to talk, internet addict.

The doctor: did I miss something?

The prude: she is dating a guy she met online.

The rocker: she is not only dating him, she is fucking the brains out of him.

The artist: constantly, and enjoying every minute of it. Thank you very much.

The dentist: so what are we doing tonight?

Her: weren’t we going to the movies?

The artist: what are we watching?

The doctor: hot guys going at each other.

Her: but please don’t tell sexy back, he is on a spree.

The prude: explain.

Her: I was at my ex’s last night picking some stuff up.

The rocker: and…

Her: And he called me and I told him where I was.

The doctor: and?...

Her: and we were supposed to get together, I was going to pick him up.

The artist: and?...

Her: and he said, ok.

The dentist: and?...

Her: and the he said, “I will be here at my ex job, with my ex boss, doing some ex things I have to do.

All: oh!

Her: yeah, but that is beside the point. Let’s go.

The artist: she is not going to let us talk about it.

The dentist: we are anyways.

The doctor: and he says he is not jealous?

The prude: it was just a comment, maybe he is not.
(A silence falls and they all turn to look at her)

The rocker: you are one special thing. We need to do something about her.

Her: well it is early…
(Looks at the dentist and smiles)

The dentist: we can always take her to the sex shop.

The artist: She is turning red…. Jajajajaja

The doctor: can we buy her the vibrating ring?

The prude: I am a married woman.

The rocker: don’t worry, he will enjoy it.

The prude: and how do you know?!

Her: how do you think she knows? Is not like “El puma” is all that innocent.

The doctor: or a prude like yourself.

The prude: I am not a prude!!!

The artist: no you are not sweetie, you are just misunderstood.

All: jajajajajajajajaja

The Rocker: come on let’s go, I need some chew able underwear.

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

Caught in the action

After a long day’s work she walks into her apartment, which she shares with her best friend, only to find a rather disturbing surprise in the couch.

Her: Oh dear God! What the hell are you two doing?

Rushing off the couch and trying to cover themselves up.

Best friend: umm sorry, we were just.

Her: I know what you were just, but in my couch, really!

Best friend: sorry

Her: and you are? (Looking at the guy)

Best friend: he is a guy I met on the dating website.

Him: (while covering his privates with a cushion, he stretched his right hand to her)

Her: really?! You think I am going to stretch your hand at this moment, I don’t know where that hand has been in the last 30 minutes!

Best friend: try hours

Her: you are not making it any better. Couldn’t you at least go up to the roof?

Best friend: the neighbors are too nosy.

Her: right, fucking in the middle of the living room with the curtains open gives them less visibility.

Best friend: I got it.

Her: and please have him put on some clothes.

Him: is it ok if I take a shower first? I have sweat  a lot.

Her: I can only imagine. The bathroom is right there.

Him: yeah I know.

Her: (raised eyebrow at her best friend) I take it this is not the first time?

Best friend: what can I say, one gets lonely. Besides this was your experiment, I am merely helping with the research.

Her: At least one of us is getting some benefits out of it.

Best friend: like you won’t write about it later.

Her: (smiling) you are right. So quick question, is he the one with the little “problem”?

Best friend: no!!! Do you think I am crazy? The only little thing this one has is the iris on his eyes.

Her: yes, that was very noticeable.

Best friend: (giggling) He also had a fake profile.

Her: that is good to know. Now, do I want to know where else you have spent your hours exercising?

Best friend: lets just say I have to buy a new bed.

Her: No!!!!!!!!!! I guess I am not the only bed breaker.

Best friend: can I sleep with you tonight?

Her: Hell no! go and spend the night in a motel with your energizer bunny.

Best friend: we are not that acquainted. Though the idea of spending the night in a motel is not that bad, the only problem is they kick you out at 6 am.

Her: don’t you have to work anyways?

Best friend: Only slaves work every single day. Oh, sorry, did not mean to offend you.

Her: sweetie, the only slave I play is the sex one, and only because I enjoy it. And don’t worry, I have you covered for tonight, I know a really comfortable place for you to sleep in.
(Half an hour later when her best friend had finally bathed and changed, and the energizer bunny was out, they were standing in front of a military cot)

Best friend: seriously, a cot?

Her: take it or leave it.

Best friend: why can’t I sleep in your room?

Her: because…
(Ding! Bell rings)
It’s my turn to run the marathon.

Best friend: on second thought, let me find a nice motel, I will talk to you tomorrow.  You and sexy back try not to break your bed this time. The way we are going we might have to invest in iron bases.

Monday, June 20, 2011

Could it be?

My dearest angel.

I know it is strange that I write to you so soon again, but there are some things I believe only you could understand.

I look at the moon at times and I see her so distant, standing there as if a girl who has fallen in love for the first time waiting for a lover who promised her the world, but yet will never come.

Other times I see her shine in all its splendor, so full of hope and eager to share her dreams with the one she wait for.

I don't know, maybe I only see what I want to and not what is really there.

Do you believe a person can be cursed, not to ever find lasting love? To never be able to find a person who will be willing to fight for her, to follow her; a person capable of seeing through her many masks and just loving her in spite of her faults and because of her virtues? Do you think I could find someone like that? And could that someone be you?

I know what we have is not meant to last. Not meant to ever be more than what we have. I know we are only meant to enjoy each other for the short times the universe allows us to be together. But sometimes, just sometimes I wish you would take a step forward and dare. I wish I would dare.

Anyways maybe is for the best, maybe we are really meant for someone else and we are just having a good time while they come. Or maybe we are so damaged and broken that we are incapable of seeing what we have and the potential it holds. Or maybe I am just making all this up so I would not feel so bad. Who knows?

In any case, all I know is I miss you.

Yours in this lovely chaos we share,

Your widow.
Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device

Dear Fallen Angel

I told you the universe would come together to allow us at least one more night together.

It was so nice seeing you again, being with you, feeling you. I had missed you, missed our conversations and your momentary silliness as well.

I understand what you said in your letter, more than I can say really, I know the feeling, the sensation of knowing a person from past lives, yeah, I know it.

I have to confess you occupy my mind more often than not too, a bit scary, but is nice, especially because of the type of thoughts that invade it, ;p About me putting a spell on you however, well, then it was a two way thing.

I do hope the fates will smile down on us once more and give us more time, should there be a next time. Meanwhile I shall feed off the memories of our moments and fill my heart with the warmth of your words.

Yours in this lovely chaos we share,

Your widow.
Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device

Dear widow

I got your letter yesterday and I must say you come up with the craziest things. I think however that its a great idea, writing letters and sending them in the mail, it kind of gives it a more personal touch and a sense of nostalgia for better times that have already passed. I hope that was the first of many as I love hearing from you.

I must confess I've been thinking about you more and more these days. I find myself remembering those times you and I were together, the smell of your skin, the softness of your touch, the warmth of your. Well you catch my drift here. But really, lately I am incapable of breaking free from you, I think you might have put a spell on me. I long for the day I can have you in my arms again.

I know what you're thinking. How can he feel that way when we were only together a week? Well, do you think it is possible to see a person for the first time and just know that they are someone special? Do you think it's possible to have met that special person in another life? I feel I have known you for a lifetime, and I feel I have missed you for one too.

I can't wait to see you again.

Hoping the universe will conspire in our favor this time.

Your Fallen Angel.
Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device

Sunday, June 19, 2011

Internet exposure

Her: what are you up to?

Best friend: (looking at the computer screen, smiling, not answering the question)

Her: uhhhhh

Best Friend: (signaling for her to come to the screen and take a look)

Her: what are we...

Best friend: (signaling for her to be quiet)

Him: (voice coming from the speakers) so do you like what you see?

Best Friend: I am openig it now, just hold on one second.

Her: (WTF)

Best friend: Hey I have to do something real quick, I have to make a call to my mom, I am going to mute you, is that ok?

Him: sure, take your time, I will be waiting, but don't forget to look at the picture.

Best friend: I promise. (mutes the microphone and the speakers)

Her: What are you doing, and what picture is he talking about?

Best friend: (laughing) So, I took a look at those messages on the web site you created with the fake profile, and it turns out that I have found the weirdest guys ever. But anyways, it turns out I got a message from an old high school friend who is also on the website.

Her: (mouth open)

Best friend: oh yeah, so I messaged the guy and he responded right? I had always been curious about him because back then he used to be very quiet and shy, but from what I can see he is not so quiet anymore...

Her: what do you mean?

Best friend: well, it tunrs out he is a freak, and loves fat women.

Her: you mean chubby?

Best friend: No, I mean fat!!! I had to tell him I was about 290 pounds to get him the slightest interested.

Her: Oh!

Best friend: yeah, and now he sent me a picture of him, saying that I would love what I saw, let's see what he sent.

Her: ummm, what are we supposed to be looking at?

Best friend: I don't know, can you make this out?

Her: well, not really, is that supposed to be his dick?

Best friend: I guess so, but that is just plain ugly!

Her: not only that, it seems so small!!!!

Best friend: I know! I mean, back then he did not seem to be big, considering, but I did not think that he would have such a problem, no wonder he is on this site.

Her: you are so mean.

Best friend: Hey this is actually your fault, you were the one who created this profile in the first place.

Her: sure, it was meant for you to have some fun.

Best friend: I am!, look at this!

Her: is this the only person you have spoken to on this site?

Best friend: well....

Her: wao, how long have you been at this?

Best friend: for a couple of hours.

Her: how much is a couple of hours?

Best friend: a couple of 6 hours every day for the past week.

Her: What! hell no, get your ass off there, time for us to do some live damage.

Best friend: but, but, but, the small dick guy, I mean...

Her: hell no, time for you to see some real small dicks, and hopefully some beautiful regular sizes ones, or just big and nice and tasty ones. And if God is good to you you will be able to not just taste them but also enjoy them fully, so come on!

Best friend: you are so mean, but since you put it that way...and by the way, where is sexy back and how come you are not out there humping him?

Her: well, we had a bit of an accident and he is fixing it right now.

Best friend: (raising eye brow) what type of accident?

Her: we kind of broke his bed...

Best friend: ohhh this is good, now you have to tell me the full story.

Her: I promise I will, while you chage and we head out.

Best friend: good.. Let's go then.

Friday, June 17, 2011


So this is why you should be careful with what you text in public.
While on a bus trip to a country side she was texting her boyfriend. It was a very heated conversation and they decided to take it to the next level, asking for pics.
Him: I want you so bad right now.

Her: I know, I am so hot at this moment.

Him: I am dying to see you, when are you coming back?

Her: in two days but we don't have to wait so long to see each other.
Him: mmm, what do you want to see?

Her: your best attribute. Can I have a picture of him?

Him: how do you want him:

Her: like the gentlemen he is, standing up and waiting for me to come.

Him: you got it.
A minute later she receives a picture. in her seat there was another person who just happened to peek into her cel screen and saw the picture. Needless to say she got interested in what she saw as he was very... Well equipped...

Second girl: dear lord!!!! Is that your boyfriend?

Her: would you keep your voice down? (Why did I not get a screen protector?)

Second girl: (taking the phone from her and calling out to the other girls in bus) hey look at this! This guy may be limping out there. I mean, seriously, how is he walking?

Her: girls please, come on, give it back!

Third girl: my god!!!!!! And you actually fuck this guy, how are you walking straight?!

Her: come on girls!

Fourth girl: does he have a brother?

Her: actually he does, now can I have my phone back?

Fifth girl: shit!!! Can I hace him for one day to clone his... Well him! Here, stop stressing.

Two weeks later he goes to her office to pick her up and starts noticing how all the girls avoid to look at him, and the ones that did, would walk away giggling and whispering and would look at him half way.
Him: hmmm baby what is going on here, is it me or are these girls looking funny at me?

Her: (blushing) nah baby, is just your imagination.
Second girl: (passing by) but he really does not look like it, anyways I admire you.

Him: sweetie?!

Her: baby, there is something I have to tell you, but I swear it was an accident...
Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device

Saturday, June 11, 2011

Online dating?!

Best friend: how come you are here today?

Her: game night!

Best friend: oh! So what are you going to do?

Her: I was thinking of posting an add on-line to find you a boyfriend.

Best friend: What!!!

Her: I was bored.

Best friend: Why don’t you try reading a book?

Her: Read all of them.

Best friend: go buy another one!

Her: Nah! This is more fun. Here listen to it.

Best friend: Dear lord!

Her: Wanted: man. 6’2”, dark hair, preferably a bit long (Johnny depp style) Eye color: not specific. Skin color: tanned; weight: not fat!; Strength: enough to carry me and fuck me against a wall; education: please have a brain; special abilities: dark, twisted, sarcastic non-racist sense of humor; taste in music: varied; able to dance Caribbean music; languages: English, Spanish, fucking language; a gentlemen in public (with old fashioned manners included), a sex addict in private; sense of fashion (not a complete idiot nor color blinded when dressing); some common sense; and an immense ability to withstand a bitchy mood every now and then.
Am I missing anything?

Best friend: are you for real?
Her: only if you let me post it like this.

Best friend: and what exactly do you pretend to get after posting this?

Her: I don’t know, some amusement.

Best friend: really! You must be really bored. Go fuck your boyfriend.

Her: correction.

Best friend: right, sorry, your partner. Talk about commitment issues!

Her: hey we are not talking about me here. So moving on.

Best friend: you know what. Do it. Post it, but create a new email address and post it online with a fake profile. Who knows what we may get?

Her: what if a nice, decent, potential guy-you-might-like answers?

Best friend: Maybe he too, will have a fake profile. Jajajajaj

Her: true. So.. posted.

Best friend: wao! Did someone already answer?

Her: apparently. Wao, look another message. Wao! There are a lot of desperate people out there? What happened to old fashion dating?

Best friend: Facebook.

Her: I see. Well do you really want to check them?

Best friend: leave it there until tomorrow. I can’t seem that desperate either

Her: sure! I mean is not like posting an add on-line says you are already desperate. But ok.

Best friend: hey, this was your idea in the first place.

Her: but you are having fun anyways.

Best friend: yeah, whatever.

Phone rings. “I’ll bring you sexy back, yeah! You mother lovers don’t know how to act, yeah!”

Him: hey what are you up to?

Her: um here posting an ad on-line.

Him: cool, are you done?

Her: yes why?

Him: because we won and I am dying to celebrate properly.

Her: ohhh I agree. Red, white or black?

Him: how about nothing?

Her: Pick me up.

Him: be there in 5.
Hangs up phone.

Her: ok, so my damage here is done, I am up to no good but elsewhere. Enjoy your ads.

Best friend: B@#&....

Her: but you love me. Besides, consider this research for our book.

Best friend: what book?

Her: the one we will start after this. Jajajajaja.

Best friend: I agree, only if I am the main character.

Her: who else?

Friday, June 10, 2011

Early in the morning (guy's brain)

Early in the morning (7:30 am) at work, guy with an ipad (6x7 screen), showing the video of chica bomb(look it up), several sexy girls moving rather provocatively.

Guy one: damn boy I have to work.

Guy tow: yeah I know, this is for a good morning.

Guy one: there is sound on this?

Guy two: I think so. Oh shit yes there is.

Guy one: shit! Um, listen you got bluetooth.

Guy two: dude this is an ipad, you got a bb.

Guy one: damn it!

Guy two: I can pass you the vidoe I have on my phone (he also has a bb, and yes has the video on both)

Guy one: dude, like now!!!

Girl walking by hears the song and like the beat.

Girl: who sings that?

Guy two: I have no idea.

Girl: its in your Ipad!

Guy one: how many times did you see it before you figured out it had sound?

Guy two: about 18 times.

Girl: men!!!
Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device

Wednesday, June 8, 2011


Best friend: so its my turn now?

Her: yep!

Best friend: who did you set me up with?

Her: oh, he is a great guy, you will see.

Best friend: can you at least give me a bit of background on him?

Her: Well if you must know. He is 34 years old. Works as a  general manager for a bank.

Best friend: sounds boring…

Her: wait. He studied finances.

Best friend: Oh good! We will talk numbers all night long! You think he will tell me the average size of mens dicks across the world?

Her: only if you ask nicely.

Best fried: no, listen, seriously, I don’t think I need to go through this. What if I don’t like the guy?

Her: that is what I am here for. At least for the first 5 minutes of the date. I have some things pending.

Best friend: don’t you mean some one pending?

Her: that too. Jejejeje. And come on! Live a little, besides what happens if you actually like the guy?

Best friend: well, knowing you, this is payback for the goat guy.

Her: Maybe, but maybe you will like this guy.

Best friend: what is the catch?

Her: none!

Best friend: I do not believe you.

Her: you don’t have to, here he is.
(a 6”4’ tanned skin, 280 lbs of pure muscle, with dark hair and a smile to die for walked into the bar)

Him: good evening ladies.
Her: Hey, this is my best friend, the one I spoke to you about.

Him: (turning to the best friend) good evening.

Best friend: (giggling)

Her: well, I would love to stay and chat, but I have a sexy back waiting for me at home.

Best friend: wait before you leave (lowers her voice) where did you meet him?

Her: at the sex shop around your house.

Best friend: what!!! Are you crazy?

Her: Maybe just a little. But you have to admit, he is handsome. Bye.
(leaves rather quickly leaving her best friend there, with the live incarnation of the david in a more tanned color)

Him: So, your friend tells me you are quite the artist.

Best friend: she gives me too much credit.

Him: that will be for me to determine later on.

Best friend: (raising an eyebrow and looking into those dark eyes. “maybe this will not be so bad”)

3 hours later, two tequilas down, and a johnny half way, they found each other in his apartment half way naked. She was really enjoying him, and he seemed to be really good at the whole performance, so far the preview was really good. He was going down on her, using that tongue in ways she thought impossible and making her shake with pleasure when he made an abrupt stop. He took of all his clothes, and she was able to appreciate the unknown part of the David, in it’s full expression. He then lifter her and undressed her completely. He smiles at her and disappears for about 4 minutes. While he was gone she kept on hearing bangs, and clanks, and at a moment thought she hears chains, but paid not attention to it, she was just expectant. When the guy comes out he is dressed in a leather black suit with an executioners mask on, she is frozen on the spot.

Him: would you be willing to be my victim?

Best friend: (I knew there had to be something wrong) uuuuummmm I am not into S&M.

Him: You can always try, why don’t you let me spank you?
(he pulled out a 3 feet ling whip)

Best friend: (what!!! Are you kidding me) ummm I don’t know what impression I gave you but I really am not into S&M.

Him: I know…

Best friend: you do?

Him: Yes, you want to be the dominatrix. I will let you be my mater, I will clean the floor with my tongue, and I will let you chain me like the dog I am, and I will let you walk me around and if I don’t behave, I will let you spank me, hard….

Best friend: (Oh wao!) Close, but not there yet. I need to go. I remember I need to go meet with someone (probably kill her)

Him: I can tie you up if you’d like to.

Best friend: (putting on her clothes) maybe next time.

Him: you can tie me up if you’d like to. I can wear a dress and makeup, I can also let you put on a strap on.

Best friend: (ewwwww, talk about fetishes) I am sorry, maybe next time.

Him: should I call you?

Best friend: No!!!!!!!!!! I will call you, I promise.
(closing the door, and breathing deeply)


Her: enjoying you David?

Best friend: I will get you for this one, you will see!

Her: what happened?

Best friend: as you do not know! The guy is a freak, loves S&M and has weird disorders, likes to wear dresses.

Her: really!!! But he looked so good!

Best friend: let me ask you something, when you met him, what was he buying?

Her: a strap on, but he said it was for a friend!
Best friend: and you believed him!!!!! You are hopeless.

Her: but I love you. Don’t worry I promise I will make it up to you. I will find you a better guy next time.

Best friend: No!!!!!! You will buy me drinks. I will get the guy.

Her: Jajajaj, deal. Night.

Best friend: night.