Friday, December 23, 2011
Just like Juliet once asked Romeo "what's in a name" well now I tweak it a little and ask "what's in a kiss?" This brings me to conduct a thorough investigation on the meaning of a kiss and was not amazed at the many and various results found regarding the subject. For many who have found this subject, and physical act, to be as intriguing as it was to me, the meaning and the end result is different. Viewed from a scientific point of view, the act of kissing stimulates the part of the brain that releases a chemical called oxitocin and gives an overall sensation of happiness and well being. It also provokes the release of adrenaline, increases the heart rate, blood pressure and glucose in the blood. Scientists also ensure that kissing is the best medicine for depression. But you all know I could care less about what scientists think or the chemical release in the body. What I do care about is the reaction the body has due to those chemical releases, and the emotions, feelings, sensations, among other things, kissing causes in a person. Looking at it from an anthropological point of view, kissing has been used since the beginning of time as a casual hello among friends (with a kiss on one or both cheeks), as a sign of respect to high class and noble women (with a kiss on a hand), as a sign of tenderness (with a kiss on the forehead), as a sign of caring (a mother's kiss), as a sign of love ( a kiss on the lips for a timed moment) and as a sign on lust and passion (an elongated and heated kiss on the lips). These last two are the ones that keep me up all night, whether be it due to a memory, or due to a longing desire. In my minds eye (and in my lips surface) the kiss is defined as such: A kiss is the sum of all the emotions two people have felt for each other at any given moment. A kiss is the beginning of something as well as the ending of everything. A kiss is the unspoken language of the heart. A kiss, given in the right part of the body, at just the precise moment, with the right intention, pressure, and done by the right person, can be majestic. A kiss filled with all the wrong intentions can be devastating. A kiss is the secret weapon of a seductress. The one used before giving the final blow. A kiss is just pure magic, in it simplest, most wonderful form. A kiss is so powerful that it can make you feel all the emotions of the world, in just a brief moment,and it remains engraved in your memory forever. I loved the description a friend of mine and I gave to that first and never forgotten kiss: "The first kiss is never given with the mouth, but with a look, followed by the shy touch of unsure hands and at last with the coming together of the lips" The kiss is so sublime that it has become an art, a way of saying what the body and the heart wants to. And a kiss, by the right person, is, heaven. The taste of their mouth, the sensation of the warmth, the excitement it brings when the tongues meet, the rush felt through the body, the inability to breath properly, the weakness on the knees, and then... Nothing but the loud screams of two bodies begging to come together. A kiss is the beginning of it all. How about you? What's in a kiss for you? What is a kiss to you?
Thursday, December 22, 2011
I miss the tender kisses while watching TV.
I miss the passionate kisses while making me burn.
The morning kisses while looking at me.
The rushed kisses while running to work.
The timeless kisses while holding my hand.
The encouraging kisses while cheering me on.
The pleading kisses after a senseless argument.
I miss the unforgettable kiss of love.
What time does to us. It erases the painful memories of sour times and it immortalizes the great moment of life, making each detail shine as bright as the northern star.
I miss our time together, our life together. Why was it that we parted? I can't really remember. My mind seems to play with me and discharge memories that may hurt, or maybe she and my heart are in conspiracy and decided to forgive as well as forget.
Wherever you are
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Friday, December 9, 2011
So obviously I am not like many people as I have features that set me aside from my native group, and here I say native as I could be quite ordinary in another country, but then again, I was born and raised in DR. And what makes this funny is that while growing up I wished to be so much like the pretty little blond-big-brested-no-ass-and-no-personality-or-glamour kind of girl. Thank god I grew out of that.
But the point to this post is to talk about something interesting that happened to me. This guy (not dominican) comes up and starts talking to me, things are fine, he smiles, I smile, nice conversation, and then a third person comes along and I am occupied with something else, until I notice that he is talking about me (but not to me) to this other person, and he makes the question I am so used to hearing, but more, like I said before, because of my facial features and my skin color: "she is not from here right"? Here I am thinking that it was for the same reason as always, and obviously I reply: "born, raised and proud. Why?" Big mistake. Here is where I believe he made a fool out of himself, his reply: "you are so... Tall!"
Silence... I can't find what to say and maybe he noticed because he hurried to add more, but just continued to dig his grave deeper.
"You are also so well spoken, and educated, and tall!"
Yes he said it a second time. So in my mind I think "are you trying to compliment me or are you trying to say that my country is incapable of producing tall (maybe we come from midgets) educated (I know our education level is not the best, but come on!) And well spoken people?"
Since I am fairly new at my job I decide to just smile and hold my tongue not without saying first (I could not help my self) "that has to be weird right?" And the worst is he didn't get it and says "yes!"
So once more, wao!!!! Mind you he is from one of our neighboring central american countries.
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Thursday, December 8, 2011
But it's enough that we know why. It's enough that we see, feel the magic between us, and it's enough knowing the truth, that you and I share something that runs deeper than mere words of love, play of trust and deceit of faithfulness. We are us, and we understand that concept and accept it for what it is. Real.
Thank you for giving me the most wonderful gifts of all.
Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device
I miss you so much.
I know things between us were not the best when I left and I am sorry for the way we parted, for the way I left things. I should have explained better, I should have given you more time. I know you were hurt and I could hear you crying as I went away, but I couldn't go back, I could not bring myself to turn around and stay. I am so sorry mom.
Dad speaks to me all the time, he told me how sad you were and how much you both miss me. It makes me sad to know I was the cause of your pain. My sister also spoke to me, I sent you a message with her, I hope she gave it to you. I wish I could have spent time with her.Can you please remind her I love her so much.
Please mom, I don't want you to be sad. I have sent you several messages with friends, with aunt Nadeshko, with Dad even with Grams. My sister seems to be a fine healthy baby, I am so happy for that and I know you are happy too. I really wish we could have spent more time together, but I had to go.
I know it has been a while since we spoke, but I wanted to tell you about this place. It is so wonderful, so beautiful, you would love it. It is a little quiet sometimes, but it is ok.
Don't be sad mom, soon we will be together again, I know it. Time here is not as over there, an entire life passes by in a blink of an eye, and I patiently wait for you.
You and dad and my little sis still have a lot to do over there. Don't worry, I can wait. Please tell dad I love him, and kiss my sister goodnight. Tell my aunt I love her so much, and that I am grateful for her support and the way she and dad took care of you after I left. Don't be scared if my sister mentions me again, it is me sending messages of love.
There is one last thing I want you to know. You will never be alone and I will always be by your side.
I love you mom.
Wednesday, December 7, 2011
The neighbor: you seem to be inspired today.
Her: I am!
The neighbor: and who brought about this... Inspiration?
Her: another one of us.
The neighbor: I see. Your posts are a bit... Heated.
Her: I know!
The neighbor: I did not know you had it in you.
Her: you forget we are one of a kind.
The neighbor: are you implying I am that sexual?
Her: I am saying you are.
The neighbor: I guess I just didn't know you were. You hide it pretty well.
Her: I am a lady after all, in public that is. But it runs in my blood.
The neighbor: as it does in mine. And how are you in private? Sorry. Are all Tauru's this naughty?
Her: afraid so? And to answer your question, well, maybe not.
The neighbor: I would have never known, not by looking at you, and I looked. I knew the time you woke up and went to bed, but I never understood how was it that someone who lives alone wears so many clothes to bed.
Her: I took them off after I turned off the lights because I knew you were looking.
The neighbor: not fair.
Her: that's life.
The neighbor: can we meet?
The neighbor: why?
Her: because you are hunting and I am not about to be your prey.
The neighbor: I would never hunt you. You are like me.
Her: meaning I know your game.
The neighbor: exactly, and I bet you lay it better than most of us.
The writer: you owe me a massage.
Her: I owe nothing. My debts are paid.
The writer: true, I am the one in debt.
Her: yes you are.
The writer: I am looking to pay, if you are looking to collect.
The biker: meet me tonight, I want you.
The biker: I miss you.
Her: I was never yours.
The biker: you were mine in a way.
Her: in no way.
The biker: still, I want to see you.
(Her: dear god!)
The ambassador: hi
Her: hello! (Finally the taurus I want)
The ambassador: now?
The ambassador: where?
Her: you know where.
The ambassador: how?
Her: take your time. Slow, sweet, then gradually, burn. You know exactly how.
The ambassador: I think I remember. Open.
Her: you're here?
The ambassador: the bull in me is calling. I have to set it free. by the way, are you wearing red?
Her: you know it!
Him: do you believe in redemption?
Her: as in forgiveness of all past sins through repentment?
Him: something like that.
Her: why do you ask?
Him: you haven't answered.
Her: I know, neither have you.
Him: I'm just curious I guess.
Her: well in the spirit of curiosity then, I would have to say that for a person to truly repent for all past erroneous actions and redemption to occur, true awareness of such actions and a change of ways must first be present.
Him: spoken like a missionary of the gods.
Her: who knows, maybe I have been given the gift of vision and speech.
Him: if that is so, what do you see in me?
Her: a battered soul looking for a second chance.
Him: a second chance? Not redemption?
Her: like I said before, a person seeking redemption is truly sorry for past actions that lead to wrong doing.
Him: you think I am not.
Her: are you?
Him: not really. Not of all my past actions or wrongdoings that is, for some I am very grateful.
Her: how so?
Him: through some of those wrong doings I found what I now value the most and never thought I truly deserved.
Her: and what would that be?
Him: an angel sent from the heavens to guard over me and teach me about life and another sent before to teach me about love.
Her: sounds like you too have been blessed by the gods.
Him: or maybe cursed.
Her: why do you say that?
Him: because it is only now I realize how idiotic of me it was to let that first angel get away and risk loosing the second one.. All over again.
Her: you must be in a lot of pain.
Him: I was, but like I said, I believe in redemption.
Her: second chances in your case.
Him: I don't know about second chances.
Her: why not?
Him: not sure of she will give me one.
Her: why don't you ask her?
Him: will you give me a second chance?
Her: like I said before, there has to be real change.
Him: I am willing to work hard to show you there has been.
Her: I am a patient person, but I need to ask you something.
Her: why now? Its been almost two years.
Him: because it took me this long to realize I love you more than life itself and I want to be with you.
Her: with me?
Him: yes you. And before you say it, it. Is not because of her, it is because of you. I found you first and then she came along, a blessing from God. But it is you, it has been you all along. Even if now is both of you.
Her: then I guess time and patience are our best friends now.
Him: I hope they are. I am not letting you go a second time.
Her: I hope they are too.
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
Her: I don't know.
Best friend: sweetie...
Her: is not fair.
Best friend: I know.
Her: why can't I choose him?
Best friend: (silence)
Her: he is the perfect guy, he is sweet, he is smart, he loves me so much it hurts, he is the perfect guy. Why can't I choose him!
Best friend: you know why
Her: is not fair!!!!!
Best friend: I know.
Her: (crying) he deserves happiness
Best friend: so do you
Her: I should be able to choose him.
Best friend: you can't.
Her: why not?
Best friend: you know why.
Her: yeah, I do. (Still crying) is not him.
Best friend: you wrote the ending to this story long ago.
Her: so is that it? Is time to move on, right?
Best friend: he has to let you go, and you have to set him free, of you.
Her: I know.
Best friend: so, will you tell him.
Her: I think he already knows.
Best friend: yeah.
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Monday, November 14, 2011
I am slowly falling apart and I feel you are the only one I can reach to, or at least the only one that will understand and help me. My dear Angel, I am at war with myself. I feel as if there are two completely different people living inside of me, fighting to come out at the same time. At one time I am the sweet, tender person who is smiling all the time, looking at the brigh side of life, being hopeful, waiting, no.. not waiting, knowing that there is so much more than just this. Tha life is about so much more, things that I am yet to discover. Sometimes I am the person you feel so many things for.
Then there is that other person who is too tired and scared to even want to try and believe again. The one who has lost all hope in anything new, different and exciting coming along. The one who drags my dreams down to the center of hell itself and makes home of those dark places, the one who refuses and even turns away from those wonderful things the world has to offer. That person who refuses and rejects love, just because she is too afraid to get burned again.
Two people live inside of me, fighting to win a silent war that only I know the toll it will take. How do I spread peace through myself, how do I reconcile those beings and help them find a middle ground where they can both coexist in balance?
My dear Angel. You have a wisdom that many envy, and an understanding of my soul that few get to acquire, very few.
Maybe I am finally going crazy. Or maybe this pressure I feel in my chest is more than simple tiredness, the lump in my throat is more than just a mild depression, the fast beating of my heart is more than fear, yet I myself don't understand the signs my body gives me, the silent yet strong messages it sends me, my brain is uncapable of decoding the language of life.
My deat Angel you are my only hope.
Yours Forever, but never really belonging to you
Sunday, November 13, 2011
Images of the two of us start conjuring up in my head, making me light headed, making my heart race, and that very central of my being become moist.
I think of you coming into my house and just as I open the door, stepping in with a hungry look in your eyes and your body hard as a rock from wanting. I think of you picking me up right in the spot and me wrapping my legs around your waist while, because of the impatience, you throw me in the couch (the room is too far) the need is too strong, the only thing driving you, and me as well, is lust, clouding our judgement and only allowing us to see each other, to feel our bodies, to taste our mouths and to hear our moans of pleasure.
A moan from deep inside escapes me and dies in my throat, making you want me even more. Even though you can barely think, something in you says "slowly, enjoy her, you don't know when the chance will come again" so you pull back, just a bit, and just enough to allow your self, to slowly and with steady, strong hands, unbutton my shirt, one button at a time, driving me wild every time your fingers barely touch my skin. You take it off and just stare for a moment at my breasts, small in comparison to most women, but like always you find a way to make me feel perfect, "just perfect" you say, and as if impossible my heart beat increases and the hunger in your eyes as well, now is more like a burning fire. As if enchanted you slowly bring your head down to one of my breast and kiss it, the suck on it ever so gently and arousing at the same time, you take the nipple and nibble at it, sending shock waves trough my body, making me wet. You let go of that one but choose not to ignore the other one, repeating the process and a low moan comes out of my mouth, this time not suppressed.
You pull back and this time your eyes are dark, mine as well, I am gasping, but I want more, and it is evident by the visual pressure in your pants you do too. I take advantage of the situation and turn things around, taking control. I stand and put myself in front of you while changing our positions so that now you are the one lying with your back on the couch. Here a triumphant half smile curves my lips and I slowly start taking your shirt off, making sure I caress your chest, just lightly. When I finally do take it off I just delight in seeing you, and tasting you. I start at your mouth, then slowly go down to your neck, your chest, I fist run my fingers through it and then kiss it all. But I do not stop there. I stand up and you try to do the same, but I press a hand to your chest pining you down to the couch, and signal for you to just watch. I start unbuttoning my pants and let them fall to the floor and I stand in front of you with nothing but a red-lace boy short. I immediately see your reaction, and I smile, more broadly. I lean over to kiss you, it was supposed to be a light, playful kiss, but you pull me in, make me spread my legs on either side of you, so I can feel your erection, and my.. what an erection it is.
I can't help it and I start moving against it, against you. You moan and grab my ass to try and keep me controlled, or maybe you are trying to keep yourself controlled. It does not seem to be working. In a move more out of desperation than desire, you grab my ass, pull me up and turn me around in the air, so now I am the one lying in the couch. And then... you of are making your way south my body. Kissing every part that leads to that moist, wet, sensitive center of me. You take my panties off and grab me by the waist to lift me up to the level of your mouth....
Ok, that was enough.. phew!! let's leave it at that for now. If you want more, just use your imagination and complete the scene.\
Saturday, November 12, 2011
The fallen one: You know I've never been there... You're the closet to heaven that I've ever seen.....
Her: Isn't that a line from a song?
The fallen one: Yeah, But you can tell everybody that this is your song
Her: (blushes) That would make you an angel then. You haven't written to me in a while
The fallen one: a fallen one
Her: Still and angel. In essence.
The fallen one: I know..... I do miss you all the time, though
Her: You never truly say it
The fallen one: But I do
Her: I know
The fallen one: Being close to you is a soul-shaking experience and I don't want to add any complications to your life. I may already be a fallen angel, but every time I'm near you, I fall in so many other ways. I do read from time to time to at least find a little bit of you
Her: That really got to me
The fallen one: I do think about the end of the story you said I should write so long ago. Wow...it's been that long and you still get to me. Why is that?
Her: I don't know, I really don't.
The fallen one: So what were you going to tell me the other day?
Her: I was?
The fallen one: About being free
Her: I don't remember
The fallen one: So how is everything going?
Her: I went back to basics. Feels better somehow
The fallen one: But then I miss it
Her: It will eventually get to you.
The fallen one: Are you working?
The fallen one: How sad
Her: I know
The fallen one: That sucks
Her: Well that doesn't, but I know other things that do.
The fallen one: Hmmmm. Vacuum cleaners, for instance?
Her: That is exactly what I mean
The fallen one: I thought so. Tootsie pops
The fallen one: Wish I had one
Her: A tootsie pops?
The fallen one: So I can see how many licks it takes to get to the center
Her: Oh wao. Its been a while since I heard that
The fallen one: Its been awhile since I've had one
Her: Are we still talking about a tootsie?
The fallen one: Sure
Her: For some reason I think there is some underlying meaning to some of the things you say. Especially
when it comes to sucking and licking and all those things
The fallen one: And you would be right. Somehow..
Her: we will leave it at that... For now.
The fallen one: agreed... For now...
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Friday, November 11, 2011
It creates in us that need to see, smell, touch, taste and enjoy, each part of that other person, from top to bottom. IT is the tortured enjoyment we get on taking things slowly. It is the twisted pleasure I get out of driving you crazy by taking my time.
But please don't blame me for it and don't condemn me either. You would do the same.
Slowly, starting at your clothes, taking piece by piece out to have each part of your body revealed, as to please my sight with the many shapes that build you. Those hard lines, those tight squares in your stomach, that straight.. humm well, you know.
Then, with the same patience taking my time to feel the outline of all those shapes. To run my fingers through each part of your face as if to memorize it, but secretly giving my hands a feast. Touching you, outlining your lips, caressing your neck, your chest, your arms, moving south to grasp and feel the texture of... Yes...
At last, after giving 4 of my senses the liberty to enjoy you, I give free reign to the one that I will enjoy the most, to taste you... To feel your lips on mine and savor the taste of them. To kiss your neck, your chest, to lick your fingers, and as I move down, taking in every part of your body, to finally be able to suck in that very sensitive, big, hard part of you that makes my mouth watery just thinking about it. To taste your essence. Sigh!
I love working my senses, especially where you are involved.
Until we meet.
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Monday, November 7, 2011
How can you possibly understand what I´m talking about?? have you ever felt like this before??
I´m wondering if at that time your reason was just an excuse, the truth or you were just scared as hell about what I had told you......
You like that, in the way i love you i mean, and there other times that those feelings come back to me and possessed me, blowing my mind and driving me crazy..........
tell me when you hold me, i cannot describe how lovely it feels, its something uncontrollable and you know it, because i know that you feel it too............................
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
Some random thouhts
I believe this to be true. I saw it in his face right before he took the desicion that would finally give him that long desired peace. I saw it in the faces of all those who stood by my side watching that old friend wave goodbye on that final day. And now, whether by desire or by certanty, i feel it once more crawling inside, and i see the looks of others as i feel the walls closing in, and the door shutting slowly. Could it be my turn to leave? Is the final chapter of this long and dramatic story really being written? Is it finally time to move on? To willingly defy gravity?
Oh i hope so, because this time i am ready to leap.
Friday, September 23, 2011
Her: he is one of the guys.
Best friend: which guys?
Her: mike's friends.
Best friend: ok...
Her: you know, he is one of the group. The engineer, mike, the lawyer, the singer, him.
Best friend: am I supposed to remember him?
Her: well, he was always some kind of ghost. Came in and out, was never really there all the time.
Best friend: maybe that is why. Is there anything special about him that I should remember?
Her: wao! That was so...
Best friend: so what?!
Her: so, now-a-days-teenager.
Best friend: are you calling me plastic?
Best friend: sarcasm?
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Wednesday, September 21, 2011
Him: Of course I liked it.....
Him: but what? You are killing me with those legs. Of course you can always stop and just ignore me........
.......but what fun would that be?
Her: I'm hunting. Care to be the prey?
Him: If you think you can catch me. Just remember to be very careful that the hunter doesn't become the prey! I have a tendency to bite.
Her: not that I would mind!
Him: I'll even let you pick the spot.
Ever see something sitting around and it looks so delicious that you just want to eat it all right away...or at least nibble on it for a long time?
Yeah, me too. I'll show you sometime.
You know something? It's not easy standing out there talking to you and looking at your lips. I seem to lose my train of thought for a minute or two.
God I say way too much!
Her: Or maybe you don't say enough! And I know exactly what you mean. I seem to pass by you more often now. I really have to stop that!
Now you need to behave today, remember I am at work, wouldn't want to prevent me from focusing and ending up with unfinished tasks, right? Because then I would have to make up a pretty good excuse as to why I did not complete them. And I can't blame it on you.
Him: I am behaving! It's not my fault that you can't stay focused on your job because you are thinking so hard about how hard I was last night and jow much better it will be together.....That's not my fault at all.
Get your stuff done! I'll sit around and think of you in the meantime.
Her: You are so mean!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Him: I try...
A Day or Two Later
Him: I feel way too comfortable with you. You got a lot more from me last night than you bargained for, didn't you?
Let's catch up face to face, or in whatever positions we can think of, very soon.
Her: I did get more than I bargained for, and enjoyed every bit of it. at a point my mouth was watery.
I agree and in any and every position that pops
Him: I'm sure we can even come up with some positions that haven't even popped into our minds.
Him: here is some lady running around selling roses and all I can think about is you. I'm pretty screwed up, aren't I?
Love the skirt. Was planning all kinds of things with those strings...like slowly untying them with me teeth....
Her: First of all yes you are very screwed up but it's nice to know that roses remind you of me, they are my fav especially dark prince.
Second of all, today I was wondering what would be the piece of clothing that would drive you totally up the wall.
Him: The piece of clothing that would drive me totally up the wall? That's kind of a difficult question to answer. What you wore today had its effect, that's for sure...especially when you were sitting there in front of me, with just a hint of your thigh showing.
I'm not overly crazy about things that are supposed to appear too sexy, because if you have to try that hard to be sexy, than you're really not...although it may be fun for you to wear something just for the sake of getting to tear it off of you.
Her: I would love to wait for you and engage in another of those very hot and kinky conversations, but alas you have worn me out. Let's see each other tomorrow and hopefully steal a kiss at some point. I would love to see the effect that would have on you.
Him: and I would love to show you...let's sneak away and steal that kiss tomorrow...
The Day After
Him: How is your body feeling?
Her: Exhausted. The massage was great, but I am still beat!!!! Tempted to go down again.. to the house!!
Are you the one running now? I don't bite... hard...
Him: Like I said. Sometimes the hunter really does become the prey. But don't let that fool you, 'cause I'm tempted to go down again too.....again and again.... and I'm not talking about a house!!
Friday, September 16, 2011
In a man's letters you know, Madam, his soul lies naked, his letters are only the mirror of his breast, whatever passes within him is shown undisguised in its natural process. Nothing is inverted, nothing distorted, you see systems in their elements, you discover actions in their motives. ~Samuel Johnson
...would love to write to you.
Your fallen angel
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Thursday, September 15, 2011
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
Sunday, September 11, 2011
Mom: because you have mentioned him more than three times.
Her: and that automatically means that we are together.
Mom: In your case, maybe.
Her: would that be so bad?
Mom: He is not for you.
Her: no one is ever for me.
Mom: I don't want to intrude.
Her: you already did.
Mom: people don't change.
Her: That is what I call vote of confidence.
Mom: He is a selfish person, he does not add anything to you, he is not the type of person you can carry an inteligent conversation with, with him you can't go to a gala with, you can't do things.
Her: you mean, I can't pose a society person.
Mom: you know that is not what I mean.
Her: I actually don't know what you mean.
Mom: he is not for you.
Her: and like I said before, no one will ever be.
Mom: you need to be with someone who is at your level
Her: and here I thought I needed to be with someone who made me happy and took care of me.
Mom: people don't change.
Her: I did.
Her: no, is ok. Let's just drop it.
Why is it so hard to please some people? When did being ok in society's eye overcome being happy? When did intelect (not wisdom) become the reason for two people to be together? And why do I feel like I am
constantly disapointing you?
Best friend: Did you tell her?
Best friend: how you felt.
Her: what for?
Best friend: so she can know!!!!
Her: and start a new battle? I am tired of fighting with her.
Best friend: so what, you are just going to let her get in your head and throw this opportunity away?
Her: I don't know what I am going to do, but I know I am going to try and continue enjoying it.
Best friend: did you tell him?
Best friend: you have to.
Her: and again, what for? To make things between him and her so unconfortable that I will again feel as if I am forced to choose? no, I am tired, I don't have the strengh nor desire to start these battles. She will always be the person who is so afraid of everything that will say things in a way she may not mean but still comes across as such, she will always be the person who will find fault in everyone, she will always be the person who would preffer for me to be always single or become lesbian, she will always be the person who will try to fix what she considers mistakes and regrets through me. And I will always be the person who will do things wrong, even when I feel them right.
Best friend: and as long as you say nothing, you will always be the person who settled, but not for a guy, but for the opinion her mother held of the world. You will always be the person who is afraid of letting her down, but refuses to live up to her own expectations and desires.
Her: I can't do this anymore. I need to keep the strengh I have for those other battles I will have to fight in a future.
Best friend: you will let yourself wither and become bitter.
Best friend: sweetie?
Her: Let it go...
Best friend: like always...
Sunday, August 28, 2011
Sunday, August 21, 2011
Monday, August 15, 2011
Saturday, August 13, 2011
What am I to do? How am I to fight off my biggest and strongest contender? How am I to stop myself from destrying what may be great?
I asked for their advised. You know what their answer was? Don't make any rushed choices, think before you act, and just hold one a little more, it will be fine. But I am so scared. I am scared of getting hurt, I am scared of loosing it, I am scared of not being enoguh for it. But to be honest with you, I am more scared of keeping it. Of being seen for what I truly am, and then for being rejected for it, or worse, for being loved and accepted because of it.
I dweel in the shadows of uncertanty. How am I to survive this? How am I to survive me?
Him: Now look at that. Fancy seeing you here.
Her: (turning, surprised after recognizing the voice) I could say the same thing.
Him: (hugging her) it's been a while.
Her: Indeed it has. How have you been?
Him: Good, doing my thing.
Her: still doing music?
Him: you know that is what I love the most.
Her: that and women.
Him: Can you blame me? they are my muse. especially if they look like you do in that dress.
Her: I bet they are. And many other things as well.
Him: well well, you have developed a sharp tongue.
Her: (half smile) amongst other things.
Him: (laughs) what brings you here?
Her: boredom, the promise of alcohol and my cousin.
Him: I can help you with the first two. If your husband is not around that is.
Her: nice way of asking if I am married. And the answer is no.
Him: neither am I, never been. But that does not mean you are not with someone.
Her: not at the moment.
Him: so you are single.
Her: I never said that.
Him: I wonder what else you have developed, or what your holding back on.
Her: that is for me to know and for you to find out... if I let you.
Him: and why wouldn't you? We already know each other since some years back.
Her: and precisely becuase I know you since all those years back is why I say what I say. You are after all a male whore.
Him: such harsh words. Why not say better that I am a female lover.
Her: That is one way of putting it.
Him: I can put it many other ways.
Her: oh, you're good.!!!
Him: for someone to acknowledge that from that comment, they have to be as good as me.
Her: I don't know what you're implying.
Him: I think you do.
Her: (smiles and looks at him)
Him: when did you become so bad?
Her: when I realized I looked this good in dresses like this, that I was this smart and had more fun being this way. What about you?.
Him: When I realized women like you liked men like me.
Her: not all of use sweetie. So don't be so fast to blow your own horn.
Him: So can I blow something else then?
Her: (raises and eyebrow)
Him: besdes you have liked me for years.
Her: and yet I still haven't succumbed to your charms.
Him: you will.
Her: and what makes you so sure?
Him: the fact that you're still talking to me.
Her: you misunderstand darling. I am merely being polite to you because we have known each other for years. Besides I told you boredom brought me here.
Him: wao! you almost fooled me there. You have really worked hard to master the art.
Her: The art of what?
Him: of being a Bitch.
Her: well, you started me on this path.
Him: how am I to blame?
Her: you were my teacher, remember? and besides you were the one to give me the nickname by which you call me these days. I am just living up to your expectationss.
Him: I find it enticing.
Her: interesting. Only you would say that.
Him: Give me your number.
Her: what for? you are not going to call and if you do I am not going to pick up.
Him: Let me be the one to decide if I will call or not, and then you can decide to pick it up or not.
Her: Sure. Here it is. You love these games, don't you?
Him: They are what make all this fun.
Her: see you when, and if I do.
Him: Give me a hugh before you leave. But a real one.
Her: (getting closer to him, very close, so close that she could feel him, all of him) is this real enough for you?
Him: not at all (whispering in her ear) what would make it real, would be having you naked in my bed.
Her: (whispering back in his ear, almost a hiss) you can alwways dream darling. (kissing him on the neck, and just turning away, leaving him there, standing)
Him: (to himself) some dreams come true babe, and I will make sure this one does. Until then.
Thursday, August 11, 2011
I know the answer to that one, when I felt they stopped listening and started asking myself, what is the point? I became quiet when I felt they wanted me to listen and not talk, when I felt I said too much of me, when I heard nothing but my own voice, when I was the one interested in knowing, but no one showed interest in me.
I stopped being me when I felt invisible to the world. When I felt used, and I allowed it.
And then, I became careful when pain became my best friend and tears my eternal companions. I have learned to guard myself very well.
Only problem is, I can't find my way back to trust.
can you help me? Please?
Sunday, August 7, 2011
Friday, August 5, 2011
The dentist: who is the off limits girl.
Her: (with a sigh and a dry tone) I am.
The doctor: according to whom?
Best friend: according to the geek.
The rocker: but aren't you with sexy back.
Her: I am.
The prude: so what does the geek have to do with all this?
Her: she was at his house and for some reason I can't understand they were talking about me.
Best friend: hey, he started it.
The dentist: why?
Best friend: we were talking about the time she met the geeks cousin.
The doctor: the one with the low voice and the huge... Heart?
Her: jajajajaj, yes, him.
The prude: wait, how did you know he had a huge... Heart?
Best friend: there are tales.
Her: the guy is a legend.
The doctor: I am single!
Her: he is married!
The dentist: so you never confirmed the theory?
Her: I was dating the geek!!!
The dentist: not even after you guys broke up? I mean, it has been how many years?
Best friend: 5, but who's counting?
Her: I was off limits, and apparently still am.
The prude: but how did you come to that conclusion.
Best friend: while I was at the geeks house, his cousin called and they started talking about her...
Her: (sarcastically) how nice!
Best friend: anyways, a comment was made.
The dentist: what comment?
Best friend: if the geek would be mad if he (the cousin) slept with her, at which the geek just went red in the face and said all sorts of curse words to his beloved cousin.
The rocker: for real?!
The doctor: and then they say they are not dogs.
The dentist: it has been 5 years, why would he care. Unless...
Best friend: my thoughts exactly!
Her: wao! And then they say I think like a guy?! And leave it at that!
Best friend: oh shut up, sexy back has turned you into a girl!
The dentist: that is not a bad thing.
The rocker: I agree with the dentist.
The prude: I agree also and am happy for her, not to mention that she is having sex left and right and looks happier. Are you swallowing by the way?
Her: listen to the prude!!!! Again, you are such a hypocrite, and no, I have not had the chance to swallow.
The dentist: poor baby, can't get him to come?
Her: not really, he comes at will, and I mean that. Sting and tantric sex? Nothing to envy.
The doctor: no wonder she goes on all nighters.
The rocker: wao, for real.
Her: oh yeah, Sting's wife, eat your heart out!
The prude: wao, if only.
The dentist: what are you talking about, you have broken 3 beds already.
Best friend: at least you can visit her and sit on her couch without thinking twice about it.
The doctor: says the one who's walls are tainted.
The rocker: says the one who's car you had to take to the car wash before driving.
Her: and that is said by the one who's house you have to call before showing up. Guess we all have our faults.
The dentist: faults? We are just fucking maniacs who love it too much to let one day go by without even a quickie or a blow job!
All: amen to that sister!
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