Love Quotes

It was only a moment, but in that moment I loved you more than I will ever love anyone in a lifetime.

Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Our Life's Story - Chapter 9

Kathy was shocked by the news and unable to utter a word. Silence fell between them, and a million thoughts ran through Kathy’s head, however only one question was able to come out.
Joey was looking down at her hands and two long tears ran down her face.
-He has a brain tumor.-
-How did you… I mean when did he?-
Kathy lost her voice again. After Michael had told Joey he was dying and explained everything, she had told him that she needed some time for herself, to organize herself. She went for a walk and without knowing ended up at Kathy’s place. As soon as Kathy saw her face she knew something was wrong, but this was the last thing she expected.
-Last night he showed up un my apartment. I was so tired of the whole drama that I did not fight anymore and we spent the night together. What should’ve been the best day of my life turned quickly into my worst nightmare. This morning, he sat me down and told me that he had called the wedding off and broken it with Cindy, but there was something else, you know I could see it in his eyes, so when I asked him he told me that he loved me very much and that he was very sorry. He told me he had a brain tumor and it was inoperable. He had already been to many specialists and they had all told him the same thing, that there was nothing they could do. He could submit himself to some trial medications to see if it worked, but that was his best shot, if he did undergo surgery he had a 0.4% of making it out alive, and with that odds he did not want to risk it.
Kathy sat there staring at Joey; she could barely believe what she was saying. They heard movement on the back and turned, Jack was standing there looking at them with sympathy in his eyes.
-You knew.
It was a statement rather than a question. Kathy looked at him and did not need to hear an answer to know. He had known all along. The one to speak next was Joey, and to everyone’s surprise her voice was calm.
-How come you did not say anything or hint at it?
-Because Michael made me swear. He made me promise him that I would not tell a living soul, not even you, unless anything catastrophic happened. I am so sorry Joey.
-Is there really nothing anyone can do?
-No. He has already tried everything.
Kathy turned to Joey and took her hands in hers.
-How long does he have?
-From what he told me the doctors say he is like a time bomb, it could be anywhere from 3 to 6 months, but they don’t think he will last longer than 6 months.
Joey then turned to Jack
-Why didn’t he tell me sooner?
Jack looked at her and half smiled.
-He hoped he didn’t have to burden you with this. He insisted on the marriage with Cindy because he felt he would be hurting you too much if he gave himself to you and then left you alone. He loves you so much Joey. He hoped he could be out of your hair and set you free for someone, who really deserves you. Or at least that is what he thought. Until a couple of weeks ago, after the night you two spent together, he told me he realized then that he could never do this without you. That he had understood that the only reason he kept on trying was because of you. He really loves you Joey, more than his own life and right now he is scared, really scared.
When Jack finished talking both Kathy and Joey were crying. It took them a while to say anything but when the silence broke Joey’s voice was still calm but somewhat shaking.
-I should go back. I really don’t know how to react to all this, but I know I want to be with him. Now that I know I have a limited time, I want to take advantage of it as much as I can.
-Will you be ok Jo?
-I think so, I will call you later. Bye Jack.
After Joey left silence fell again in the room. Jack not being able to see Kathy like that went to the couch and just hug her.
-It’s not fair Jack, they are finally able to move on, to be happy, and this happens. It is not fair.
-I know. I know.
He was really unable to say anything else, he also thought the same. They just stayed there, holding each other.

Joey got to her house and found Michael sitting on the couch, his elbows on his knees and his hands on his face.  He looked so helpless like that. She went over to the couch and sat next to him, not saying anything; she took his hand in hers and whispered in his ear:
-I love you. I really don’t know how we are going to deal with this; all I know is whatever time you have left I will be here with you.
Michael looked up at her and that’s when she noticed he was crying. This was really hurting him and it really was too much for him to deal with alone. She also saw relief in his eyes, he was not alone anymore, and she was with him.

-Are you sure you want to put that there?-
Jack’s voice came from the door to Joey’s apartment that now she and Michael shared. It was Christmas time already and they were putting up the tree; Joey was trying to put on a Christmas ball in a very high place.
-you guys made it!
-We would not miss it for the world- Kathy was coming in now with a bag full of presents.  She went straight to her friend and gave her a huge hug.
After that day Kathy had realized that no matter how much Jack had hurt her in the past she loved him too much and needed to be with him. He still had not explained why he had left, but she felt she no longer needed to know. So they had started going out again and it had been a wonderful month.
-So where is my brother from another mother-?
-Here I am!- Michael came from one of the rooms, he looked good. Somehow acknowledging his feelings for Joey and living with her had made him in a way healthier, happier. And the love between the two of them could not be more noticeable, just like between Jack and Kathy. They were a true family and that night they were celebrating that.
-So what are we having for dinner Jo?-
-It is so like you Kat to always ask for food, but if you must know we are having a true Dominican meal, roast pork, white rice, green salad, green beans with coconut, and just for you, your platanos al caldero.-  Joey and the guys were smiling and in Kathy’s eyes there was a gleam.
-Is the food ready yet?-
-Maybe... hungry dear?- Michael was now teasing her.
-If you know what’s good for you brother, you will not tease this woman when she is hungry.-
-Well in that case, why don’t you all join me at the table and we get this thing started?
They sat down in the table and Michael was the one who proceeded to say Grace. After he was done they all started to eat. Kathy was the one who enjoyed the meal the most, like always when it came to food. It was indeed a great night for them.  Michael offered to clear the table while Joey, Kathy and Jack finished putting up the tree. They were in the living room when they heard something break and ran to the kitchen; Michael was laying on the floor unconscious.

Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Happy Ending to all!

And now to close the year with a bang!
 This has been a year of changes, over all. Of big, small, crazy changes. This has been a year where strengths have been tested, wills have been broken, arrogant people have been humiliated, humble people have been rewarded. This has been a year of sorrows and happiness, of great times and horrible times. It has been a year of many learning’s, of newly acquired friendships, or reviving old flames, of reaching out to forgotten people, of letting go of those who no longer matter. It has been a year of realization, of being proven wrong, of finding out your instinct was right, of getting rid of excess baggage, or admitting those buried truths, of discovering your true self, and accepting and loving you for you.
I guess what I am trying to say is that is has been a year full of life.
So as this phase comes to an end, let us remember the good and the great, forget about the bad, and cherish the special, for it will always help us carry on at difficult times.
Saying goodbye for now and hello to all the new adventured this brand new year promises to bring.
Your one and only: Dark Widow.
Happy New Years everyone, may you have an unforgettable time with that one special person that deserves your all.
Blessed be.

Monday, December 27, 2010

Our Life's Story - Chapter 8

The next day Jo was woken up by the smell of coffee and the distant sound of china. She reached to her left side wanting to touch Micheal and realized he was no longer there, so finally recognizing the smell chose to get up and walked to the kitchen.
She found him there with his bear back to her. That sight alone made her tremble, specially because of his tattoo. He had a sort of Tribal/Dragon, with a Japanese inscription on the bottom Tattoo. She had asked him, right after he had it done, why he had chosen that, and he had answered that to him it represented the life he had led, and the person he had become. The letters in the bottom spelled Endurance.
Every time she saw it she was reminded of the wonderful person he was, how strong he had to be after his father had left him and his brother, while they were very young, and his mother had fallen ill. How he had become a man while still being a child and how he had sacrificed himself working and studying at the same time to be able to maintain, support his family and help his brother become someone. She admired him for his courage, his persistence.

As if perceiving her gaze upon him, he turned around and their eyes met. Immediately they felt a current run through their bodies. To him she was the most beautiful thing on earth. Even in her just-woke-up-tousled-hairdo, to him, she was just perfect.

He poured some coffee into her cup and handed it to her, leaning over and giving her the most gentle kiss on her lips.

-Good morning, love-

-Good morning.-

They sat on the table face to face, enjoying their coffee and each others company. There was something in his gaze though, some sort of expectation, or worry, Jo could not make it out, but she did not like what she saw.

-What's wrong Michael? You have that look?

-What look?

-The one you get when you are about to dump some bad news on me.

-I swear, sometimes I think you are up in my head.

-No, I just really know you. So, what is going on?

She put her cup down and looked at him straight in the eye.

-Is it about Cindy? Are you already regretting this, again?- Jo was starting to go into a hysterical mode, bu Michael grabbed her hands and kissed them, then took her chin with his fingers and spoke slowly.

-This has nothing to do with Cindy. This morning before you woke up I called her and told her that I needed to speak to her in person, she went hysterical because she could not understand why I had canceled the wedding, and insisted on me telling her why I had done it.-

Jo had her mouth half open and her heart was racing like crazy, he had called off the wedding! how come he had not told her? Is that why he and Jack were so tense the night before? What the hell happened? Was he finally willing to go all the way with her? Was he now 100% sure of what he wanted? She wanted to ask so many questions but with a huge effort decided to let him go on and say everything he had to before she spoke.

-Go on...

-Well she kept on insisting so I told her that I could not go through with the wedding because I didn't really love her. That I was in love with you, and that I could no longer run from it.-

Jo was about to go crazy. Did she hear him right? He said he loved her, and had called the wedding off, because of her!

-I told Cindy that it would not be fair for her if I married her like that, knowing that I was in love with you.-

Barely able to speak, Jo tried to settle her racing heart and asked him what Cindy had said.

-Well she screamed at me, spat insults before unknown to me, said that she had always known that I was in love with you, and that she should have listened to her mother in the first place, and never even looked at a such a low-life-useless-son-of-a-bastard and then hung up on me.- He finished it off with a shrug.

Taking her time to absorb all he was saying, Jo kept on looking at him. Suddenly she jumped at him and started kissing him all over. then found his lips and gave him the most passionate of kisses, making his whole body respond to her, and knowing that if she did not stop they would not be able to continue talking and would end up in bed again.
When she separated from him there was a gleam in his eyes, a gleam of pure lust, but then it was replaced with something else, something she could not decipher. She pulled him back and asked

-What? What are you not telling me?

He grabbed her hands and led her to the chair in front of him, pulling it a little closer, so the would be face to face again.

-Jo, there is something else I need to tell you.

For some reason Jo felt the temperature drop. She was really worried. What could he have to say that was so bad?

Michael looked down for a minute, not really knowing  how to say it, but knew he had to tell her. It would not be fair to Jo if he didn't. So he gathered all his courage and told her.

-Jo, I'm sick. I am very sick.

-What do you mean, is it like a bad flu or something? You are scaring me Michael.

He took her hands in his.

-Jo, I'm dying...

Sunday, December 26, 2010

An ending is near...

Maybe it's the holidays season and all that it brings, but I find myself overwhelmed with emotions.
My heart feels like it's beating harder and faster than ever. Tears roll down my eyes freely, yet it is not of sadness, but not of happiness either, more like longing, wanting, missing, remembering, feeling again.
Longing for what I once had; Wanting what I know I deserve; Missing those who are no longer by my side, but left a part of them with me and took a piece of my soul with them; Remembering all those times I spent with the ones that are here and the ones that no longer are, those times I laughed, those times I cried and the times I held back or gave it all; and of course feeling again nostalgic, happy, sad, joyful, thankful, hopeful...

Great times have gone by; devastating times are finally over; difficult times are still yet to come; challenging moments await for us in the future; the joy of life will always be there; rewarding days wait to arrive and wonderful, loving minutes stand by, waiting for us to recognize and enjoy them.

Maybe it is the holidays season... But I miss you... All of you.
Love always

Me and all the names all of you know me by.

Saturday, December 25, 2010


How can I miss you, If I've never met you?
How can I want you, If I've never had you?
how can I care about you, if I've never loved you?
How can I think of you, if I don't know who you are?
How can I miss a kiss, if I've never felt your lips?
How can I miss your touch, if I've never felt your hands?
How can I miss your warmth, if I've never known your embrace?
How can I miss loving you, if I have never known you?

Friday, December 24, 2010

I can't write...

There are so many things I want to say, so many things I want to write, about you. About the way you treat me, about the way you look at me, about the way you make me laugh, about the way you make me feel special, about how even though I know that is exactly what I deserve, I still feel something pulling me back, a little alarm in my head saying "hold it, don't do it"

I want to write about how frustrated I feel about how you seem to be so good, but the fear of you being too good to be true takes over. I want to write about my overwhelming feeling of joy and at the same time the forced restrain I put on that joy, about the way I force myself not to feel.

I guess in the end it all comes down to the same fear. I wish I could get myself to write about it all. But the words wont come out, my fingers wont type them, my head wont organize them in a logical way. And in that mess that I become, I can't write about what I want to, about how I feel, about my inner fears, about my joy, about my dreams, about you, or about me.

But funny enough, I think I just did.

Thursday, December 23, 2010

Fear of Love

We are afraid to open our hearts mostly out of fear. Fear of not living up to the other persons expectations, fear of giving it our all and not being corresponded by the one we choose, fear of in the end having our dreams and hopes shattered by someone who did not care enough for what we offered. So we guard it so well because of fear.

It takes time for us to understand that without loss there is no gain, and that in order for us to really experience the wonders of love we have to give it our all without holding back, just dive into the abyss and trust that at the bottom that other person will be there to hold us, and the event there is no one then we will have learned a valuable lesson, we must choose carefully which cliff to dive from so the fall wont hurt so much, but never forget to dive.

It has taken me a while to realize that, for a time (for most of my very short adult life) I have guarded my heart in a titanium  vault so that no one ever reaches it or tries to break it. I have loved and I have been hurt, but I know that because I have held back so much there is a lot I am yet to experience, and that I am open to. I want to experience it all, in its fullest, I want to lower my walls and let it in. But I must confess I am still scared, for when it hurts, it kills.

But I am still willing to take on the adventure. I know it will be a truly rewarding, gratifying, fulfilling and of course loving experience, and who would deny themselves the pleasure of such a thing?

Friday, December 3, 2010

Our Life's Story - Chapter 7

-Ok so this is officially done! Yes!  It was almost 2 am in the morning, on a Saturday and Kathy, Jack, Michael and Joey were all together finalizing the details of the campaign before its launch on Monday. The four of them wanted the weekend to just relax and spent all Friday night and the very early hours of Saturday morning working on it.
-I can’t believe it! We can finally have a day off! Joey was thrilled. She sure needed the rest.
They had worked been working nonstop for two months now, especially because Jack had insisted that her company also take over the restructuring of the Restaurant, and help him find a new look for it. She had been able to do so, because not long ago she had incorporated a small interior design team to work for her.
-And how is the restructuring going? Michael who for some strange reason was standing a bit too close to Joey, or so she thought, had spoken, and to Joey his voice had sounded way too sexy and way too close to her ear, even though everyone had heard clearly.
-Everything is already in place. Jack had been the one to answer, looking straight into Kathy’s eyes and smiling at the same time. –The final touches were given today, and the place looks fantastic, you will see it soon enough. The team you have is wonderful. I was thinking we should do something to show our thanks for all the hard work they have put into this.
- I think we should wait until the campaign is launched and see the results of it. I am eager to see it. I had never worked so hard on a campaign before, it feels almost as this is my baby.- Kathy was truly excited, she had indeed worked real hard on this one. In part because for some reason her creativity had been really flowing and great ideas had surfaced during the brainstorming sessions, and in part also because it was Jack. It took her some time to admit it, but because it was him she had put her heart into making this perfect.
Jack agreed to wait but not before getting her to commit to it, and the other two as well. –You have to promise you won’t back down. I really want to show your team how grateful I am, and I want to show you how much I appreciate everything you have done and all the effort you have put into this.- Jack was looking straight into Kathy’s eyes and for a moment she forgot that Joey and Michael were there, she forgot that Jack had hurt her, she forgot about everything, she only saw him, she got lost in those eyes, and for a moment, a very brief moment, she felt good, like she had not felt in a while.  Jack took one minimal step forward to get closer to her. Joey was looking at them knowing that if she did not stop this something bad would happen, but as she tried to speak Michael took her by the arm and forced her to look at him, she then too got lost.
For a moment that seemed eternal, there was silence in that office, no one moved, not a word was spoken, the only sound being that of their breathing.
The silence was broken by the fax machine and the magical atmosphere went away, bringing them back to reality.
Jack and Michael were the ones to speak, both at the same time –Saved by the bell-
Kathy took a couple of steps back and so did Joey.
-We should go, it is late and I for once can’t wait to get to my bed and just sleep it off until noon- Kathy was saying this more to herself than to any of them.  Joey looked at her thanking her in silence.
They all said their goodbyes and went their separate ways.
About 15 minutes later Kathy got to her house and felt this vast emptiness, as she closed the door and looked around her living room she noticed that something was missing. Jack was missing in it. She took her cell phone out wondering what would happen if she just let go for once and called him, asked him to be there with her.  She closed the phone again, not daring to make the call. Her pride was bigger than her will, and she just hated herself for it. She started to her room when she heard the doorbell ring. Thinking that it was Jo she went to the door and started saying
-I knew you would end up here- But as the last words came out she was shocked to see Jack standing in her door, looking like a sad, hurt puppy. Her heart escaped a beat and when he raised his head their eyes locked.
There was nothing to say, and at that moment, loosing herself again in those beautiful eyes, she decided to give up, just give up and let him in, once more. Her heart was the one making all the choices now. She extended her hand and he gave her his. With that she led him into her house, into her room, and let him in once ore into her heart. Well he never really left.
On the other side of the city Jo was also having trouble adjusting to the silence in her house. It was amazing how silence could be so loud. She was coming out of the shower when she heard a noise in her living room. Scared to death and not really stopping to think about anything she stepped off the shower, passed by her bed, picked up a wrench she had in her bathroom and went over to the living room, thinking that a thief had broken into her house.
The living room was dark, but she made out the silhouette of the man standing there, trying to make his way to the kitchen. She got closer and right before she was about to take the blow the man turned on the lights and she saw Michael. He heard her and turned around to see her standing there with the wrench in her hand, and naked.
-What on earth are you doing here? And what is it with you and creeping into my house? I knew I should’ve taken that key from you!-
-Maybe. But then I would not enjoy seeing you like that, which is a beautiful sight!- He said it half smiling, half turned on. Joey immediately, turned red, but instead of covering herself just stood there looking at him. She wanted him, and she wanted him to look at her. Like that, like he had looked at her that night. So instead, she straightened up.
-Like what you see? - Her voice was soft and full of lust. It was an invitation  more than anything. She did not care that he was engaged, he still had not told her that he had called the wedding off. She did not care about anything. She wanted him, that night, in her bed, with her. She wanted to forget, she needed to forget.
He took a step closer to her, looking at her in the eyes all the time.
-I love what I see; I love it very much, especially because I love you. - He had decided to tell Joey everything that night, about the engagement, about his love for her, and about his disease. But it was getting rather difficult seeing her like that. She was seducing him, and he was letting her.
He took a step closer, and took her by the waist, pulling her to him. He loved the way her skin felt, warm, soft. Not helping it any more, he just took her lips into his and lost himself in her, and she lost herself in him. It was enough for them to go to that place only they could.
He lifted her in his arms and took her to the bedroom, where they could forget together about everything and just be themselves.

Sunday, November 28, 2010

A knight in rusty armor....

I have often been asked what it is that I look for in a guy. For a number of years I would answer with the same cliché as all the other girls I knew. "I want some one sweet" "someone that would love me unconditionally" "I want a guy that will save me". But in the past years I have come to understand that I don't want or need a knight in shining armor, because ultimately the only one who can save me is me.
I cannot ask a guy to save me from myself, because they would not know what to save me from. I know now that I need someone who in spite of not understanding me is going to try and work with me so we could manage and speak similar words in our own and very different languages. A person who does not commit to love me forever and ever, but who promises he will always try to work with me to make our relationship thrive. I don't want someone who will always agree with me or tell me I am right. I want someone who will tell me when I am wrong, help me see the way out, respect my opinion, even if he does not agree, and when we do not see eye to eye, work to reach a viable solution that would help us both.

Basically I don't want Mr perfect, because it would be a lie, completely boring, too high maintenance and in the end not work out.

I acknowledge and accept that I am imperfect and because of that need someone who is also imperfect, I have may flaws and that is what makes me interesting and beautiful. So why not want the same thing for me.

I want an imperfect soul who is willing to be there for me, who will see the beautiful details in those imperfect moments that make life worth living. I want a knight in rusty armor.

What do you want?

Friday, November 26, 2010

When I think of you...

It’s getting hard to concentrate, when the image of you keeps popping up in my brain. Your perfectly sculpted torso, your big strong hands, and your soft touch on my skin, your perfect, full lips, and the fullness of your... well of you.
It becomes difficult to carry on any other task that is not that of being with you, of letting you love me, touch me, of me feeling you.
I need your warmth, your kisses, your hunger, your passion.  I need you; I want all of you...

Saturday, November 13, 2010

Hora de olvidar lo que el recuerdo no me deja

I know I usually post in english and never have done so in spanish, but because of the beauty of this text, I had to do it justice by posting in its original language, otherwise it would loose its true essence.

So here it is. Hope you enjoy:

Hora de acurrucarme con la almohada y darle besos al silencio
De sentir como las ilusiones desvanecen y la fria y cruda soledad se cuela por mi ventana, acariciando mi cuerpo desolado, mi alma ensangrentada.
Hora de susurrar al olvido mudas palabras de esperanza, que van destinadas a oidos sordos.
Y hora de guinar un ojo a la noche oscura, y de el sale una lagrima que recorre mi mejilla, trazando el camino doloroso de recuerdos marchitos.

Esta es la hora que cada noche deseo olvidar,  porque me recuerda lo mucho que se siente tu ausencia.

Thursday, November 4, 2010

Who am I?

Lately I feel like I am not the one living my life. I feel as if someone else took over my body and is the one driving it. As if I am looking at myself from an outside window.

I see the hours pass by, yet I don't feel them. I see people's mouths moving, but I cannot hear the voices nor understand what they are saying; and when I try to remember, it's nothing but a blur or a distant unidentifiable sound.

I feel like a ghost in my own skin.

The worst is that I don't know how to get out of this state, how to take control and once again be me, the person I know I am, the person I miss, the person I love, even if others don't. I loved me, once upon a time. And someone came and took that, and I let them, and now, this is all I have left. The ghost of who I used to be. A person I no longer know, and who lives like a shadow.

Sunday, October 31, 2010

The one who never came to be

 The thing is you never realized that you were part of the problem, not because you reminded me, but because you couldn’t join me, and in that you left me alone.

You refused to see anyone else’s point of view or hear another’s opinion. You became blind and deaf to whatever I had to say or do, and you left me. 

You made my worst fears a reality, only this time you did not physically leave, but slowly you started going away, until you were no longer there, and I no longer mattered.

And then I left. I stopped caring for what you thought, for what you said. You became a burden to me, something I could no longer tolerate, and no longer wanted. We became strangers, more than what we were. We forgot how to talk to each other, how to care for each other, we just didn’t matter.

You chose to settle for that, I refused, and this was our curse. 

You blame me for leaving, but think back, and realize that you were never there. 
You left long before you came.  You say I did not fight, but there was nothing to fight for. You say I never really gave myself to you, and you are right, there was no one for me to give my heart to. You say I stopped caring, and it is true, because I never figured out how to love you.

So I guess we are both right. I did leave you. But in all honesty, you were never here, and you were never mine.

So now I say, goodbye.

To the one who never came to be.

Sunday, October 24, 2010

Moments in time

What accounts for a great time with a person? What makes it special and unforgettable? What makes it linger in your
memory for days after it is over?
It's the moments. Those little moments that would pass by imperceptible if not for the fact that they take your breath every time they occur, making them special.
It's like that moment after making love, where he extends his arm and pulls you to him so he can feel your warmth. IS that moment where you are in your house and he just shows up at your door because he wanted to see you. Is that moment where you are standing and he creeps behind you, just to wrap his arms around you. Is that moment of that first kiss, that tells you everything that will happen. Is that mischievous look that he gives just to you in a room full of people, that holds a secrets that only the two of you share.
It's those little thing that can turn any one moment, into a lifetime of them. It's those special things that can make your heart melt in an instant. It is all that, that make him unforgettable to you...

Sunday, October 17, 2010

Our Life's Story - Chapter 6

-You look like shit!
-Well Good morning to you too.
The next day Jo had woken up extra early, not really been able to sleep. Kathy had arrived at her house the night before about 10:00 pm, completely broken and depressed, so they had talked most of the night and by the time Kathy left she had not been able to get any sleep anyways, having gone through a very stressful day herself.

So she decided to pour all that anger into her work and try to make something of it. She went to Kathy's office thinking that she would be able to just sneak in and enjoy a few hours of silence, but was surprised to see Kathy's office light turned on, and even more surprised to see Kathy trying to do the same thing she had thought of.
-Here- Kathy extended a huge, smoking cup of dark coffee to Jo.
-Did you know I was coming, you can’t really know me that well-
-You'd be surprised. I knew you were not able to sleep, and knowing you the way I do, I knew you were going to hide in your work-
-Yeah! Then again, it takes one to know one-
-True, very true-
-So what are we going to do with our double trouble?-
Jo let herself fall on Kathy's couch, and memories came rushing to Kathy's mind. She had to force herself back to reality and to face the question Jo had asked her. The double trouble issue...
-I have been thinking about it all night long-
-And as much as I would love to tell Jack to stick it and go to hell with that Spawn of Satan called Michael, my company needs this account. If we pull this one off we would be able to position ourselves in the top 5 and I could afford to be extra generous to the team. And besides you have to admit it would look great in your portfolio.-
Joey was reluctant to admit it, but the truth was undeniable. She turned uneasy in the couch, and more memories rushed through Kathy's mind. Damn couch! She would make sure to call her supplier and have it substituted, maybe even change the office style.
-You have a point. But I wish the client was another one and not those two bastards. It is enough trying to cope with them outside of here, now we have to put up with them even in the hours we were able to be ourselves. Is there any way we can do this without them?-
Kathy thought hard for a moment but was not able to come up with a solution.
-I don't see how. Jack specified he wants you and Michael to be on top of all the graphical part of the campaign, and that he wants to be involved in each and every process, from start to finish. And knowing him, he will not back down. This is important to him and he will do anything possible to see that it is done how he wants it and that he agrees with every decision made.-
-How do you know that?-
Kathy sighed.
-I have seen the passion with which he talks about his restaurant. I recognize it, because that I have seen it before.-
-Where?  As soon as Joey asked and saw how Kathy's eyes went dark, she regretted it.
-It was there that night. But apparently I was not important enough, or he was not passionate enough about me. Otherwise he would have stayed, right?-
-Kathy...- Joey began to say, but Kathy interrupted her with a hand gesture.
-It does not matter, it is in the past now. Let's just focus on what we have to endure for the weeks to come. We have a lot of work to do and we did agree to meet again with the devil's advocate and his associate mid afternoon. And if we want this to work we better be ready.-
Joey could not help laugh and Kathy laughed too. They spent the next hours discussing the best strategy to use for the campaign and Joey did pretty good sketches of ideas for the graphics. About 10:00 am Norma came into the office to announce that Jack had called and asked to move the meeting to 6:00 pm because he had some business to take care of. Thinking that it would give them more time to work on the ideas Kathy told Norma to call him back and confirm for 6:00 pm.
Around 15 minutes to 6:00 Jack and Michael arrived looking beat and for some reason angry at each other. They gathered in Kathy's office, since it was just the 4 of them. Norma came in at 6:00 pm to announce that she was leaving for the day. They were the only ones left in the company.
15 more minutes into the meeting the tension between Jack and Michael was too noticeable and Kathy, frustrated by not being able to get anywhere stopped the meeting
-Ok, what the hell is going on between the two of you? Either we all try to get along and make this work or I will call this entire agreement off. So get your shit together now! Let's take a break and buy some food, maybe Cinderella and the Evil step mother here will work things out-
With this Kathy turned to Joey and asked her to accompany her to buy some supper. It seemed that it was going to be a long night.
As soon as they walked out Jack turned to Michael , anger showing in his eyes.
-You son of a B.... Why can't you just try to make things right? You had to bring me into your mess so you would not come out looking like the bad guy. Did you know that she spent the entire night talking to me about how much she loved you and how you at the last minute called the wedding off, without giving her an explanation, telling her that I had opened your eyes to reality.. And then when she managed to stop crying she started cursing the hell out of me. My neighbors called the police thinking that it was some kind of domestic abuse. I had to pay off the press for the entire thing not to come out in front page of the papers. Your lies and Bulls have cost a fortune, and then you disappear on me. Seriously, what the hell is going through your head? Have you gone mental?!
Jack was really angry at Michael. But not so much because of the whole mess with his now ex-fiancée, but because he had managed to partially blame him for the whole thing, disappeared for more than 10 hours, and his ex had shown up at Jacks place to make the scene of her life. Now Jack had a neurotic-hysterical ex-fiancée in his place, under medical supervision and taking pills to calm her down, and Michael did not even seem to care. He seemed to be off somewhere else. When Michael spoke his voice was low and the strain could be felt.
-I had no idea what to do.-
-You don't have to be Einstein to figure that out!-
-Oh shut up! is not like you have it all figured out either. You keep on messing things up with Kathy and try to act like everything is fine, You did not stop for a second to think what you were doing to her back when you left, and only realized it too late. So back off! I am sorry that I brought you into this mess. I just knew that you would be able to handle it better, and whatever you and I had to work out later, we would.-
-You trust our friendship too much.-
-I trust my brother, sue me-
In spite of all the anger Jack felt, he softened the tone a bit. Michael was always able to get him by calling him brother. Considering Jack was an only child, Michael had been his everything.
-Ok, whatever but you have to make this right. You still need to confront Cindy, tell her the truth, but please don't mention Joey; not that she does not know that you love her, anyone that stands between the two of you could notice it.. But still, you don't need to do any more damage.-

-I will go to your place and explain it. Though I still don't know what to do about Joey. I fell as if she is slipping away slowly.
-Don't worry, if everything goes accordingly, by the end of this project we will have our chance with them. And if my plan fails for me, at least you will still have a chance with Joey.
-I hope your plan is really good, cause you know I...-
Michael was not able to finish the sentence; Jack looked at him with utter sadness in his eyes.

-I know brother, I know... Have they said anything else.
-Still the same, always the same...
They did not have a chance to continue their conversation as the girls came into the office half smiling. Joey noticing some of the tension had eased was the one to talk first.
-So is the war over?-
Michael looked at her, and just stared for a moment as if taking in every detail and glad to have made the decision he had made.
-Everything is fine Jo. This war is over-
Jo. That was how he called her whenever they shared a special moment, and Joey could not help but notice the emphasis he made in the word "this", but before she could ask anything Jack interrupted them and asked to continue with the meeting.
-I am afraid if we do not rush this we will be here the entire night.
The girls handed them a sandwich each and settled back onto their seats to continue with the arrangements.
It was almost midnight when they left the office, tired and each of them just wanting to go to bed, but neither wanted it to be alone.
While Joey was getting into her car Michael came up to her and asked her for a minute of her time.
-Joey I know you are tired so let me make this quick. I am sorry for everything I did or did not do. I am going to make this right. That I promise.
He gave her a soft kiss in the cheek and left.
Joey was speechless and as much as she wanted not to feel anything, the kiss, however small it was, it made her body shiver, and even though she would never admit it to him, she wanted more, she wanted a lot more.

What is Love?

Someone asked me what was my definition of love. I did not know what to say. So me being, per my friends definition, obsessive-compulsive, decided to look for definitions of love. This is what I found:
1. a deep feeling of sexual desire and attraction
2.a strong positive emotion of regard and affection
3.have a great affection or liking for
4. a  profoundly  tender,  passionate  affection  for  another  person. 

So in every definition the word affection comes in, and in no definition I found the word connection. Which brings me to the conclusion that, by definition, you can feel something for a person without feeling connected to them. Is it me or does that sound wrong?

All my years I have believed that to love someone you have to feel truly connected with the at any level. You have to feel safe, secure, you have to trust that person. Apparently, by definition, that is not the case. Love is just mere affection. And if that is the case, why don't we just call it that, affection. In that case the word "Love" would not apply.

So in reality the word "love" has no definition. This I do believe, because Love is something you feel, it is something so strong that it takes over your entire body, it is so real that you feel it in your skin, in your bones. It takes over your mind and makes you do things before thought impossible. Love, in the end is a feeling, and like many other feelings it cannot be defined.

What would you say love is?

Friday, October 8, 2010

Failed Kiss?

The other day this guy that I like comes up to me and says he would love to give me a kiss. This guy is pretty good looking and has sensuous to die for, rosy lips. But not only that, he also kept on making little comments about how much he enjoys kissing and pleasing the opposite sex. So I in my immense innocence and ingenuousness believed that he must be a good kisser. How wrong was I?

Somehow we found ourselves in an empty room with the light off (for the purpose of maintaining this person’s identity a secret I will not reveal where these events happened).
So he comes up to me from behind, grabs my arm and turns me around to give me, what in his head must've been, a passionate-great-kiss.

However the reality was something entirely different. He was all over the place, apparently his lips could not really weld with mine, he kept on pressing them inward, and it was rough more than passionate. Also he was too fast in sticking his tongue in my mouth, so all that it caused was this sort of repulsion and me pushing away too fast with the excuse that it was too much. Thank god we women are born with the liar gene.
So this made me think. While most guys may think that they are great kisser, and while you may not give a damn about a one night stand (if that is what you're looking for)... that first kiss is what will determine if a girl will really sleep with you or not, because to us what gives away how good a guy may be in bed is the way he kisses, so here are a few tips.

1. While we may only sleep with you once, we want to feel as if we are truly special. We want to feel passion, lust, and we want to feel that the sex is great. And that in turn will make you an excellent lover in our eyes.

2. Never be rough with your first kiss. That only tells us that you are desperate and totally inexperienced.

3. Always start soft, gentle, with nothing more than a touch of lips. Kind of like a caress. If possible first outline the contour of her lips with your fingers; that will really give it an extra touch and tell her that you are LOOKING at HER, not just certain parts of her

4. Hold her face in your hands; that really gives it an extra touch.

5. Relax your lips. You are not going under water, it is a kiss.

6. Don't be too fast to want to deepen the kiss, just enjoy and savor the lips, she will eventually invite you in.

7 And remember. Don't talk so much about how good you are, we really don't buy it and we will only just take it as bluffing. There is this saying in Spanish "dime de que presumes y te dire de que careces" "tell me what you presume of and I will tell you what you lack" we really go by that.

So overall, make that first kiss special, and whether she is your one night stand or you true love, it will forever keep the door open.

The truth about love

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

If I

If I offered you a kiss would you take it? 
If I offered you my hand, would you hold it? 
If I offered you my hopes, would you store them? 
If I offered you my wishes, would you grant them to me? 
If I offered you my dreams, would you help me make them a reality? 
If I offered you my fears, would you take them away? 
If I offered you my voice, would you sing along?
And if I offer you my heart, will you treasure it?
If I offer you myself, will you love me?

Monday, October 4, 2010

Let's stop time!

Can we just stop time? Can we just make it so a moment can last longer? Could we manipulate it so that this doesn't end?
I know it is wishful thinking, but even knowing I wish we could, because in that moment we would be able to really taste each other, to use our hands to explore the sensitivity of our bodies, to express through movement the repressed desire we have...
In that time we would say, without really saying anything, all those things we want to let go of, and in that moment we would let our spirits soar while rejoicing in the sensation of pure ecstasy

This is dedicated to those who feel the same way, specially my dearest friend Nadeshko Kikyo

Saturday, October 2, 2010

Blast from the past

They say that you are meant to leave the past behind, forget about old things and leave them to pass. I say that is not necessarily true.

There are certain things that you should never let go of, certain people you should not forget about, and most important certain memories you should never erase...

People from the past remind you of the person you used to be and of the things you used to do, good and bad. Things that you used to enjoy, things you used to hate, things you used  to believe in and things that you lost hope on. But those people also help you see that the things you believed in, may have helped them become who they are now, and when the outcome is good, it makes you feel gratified.

There are events you should never forget about, becuase they help you smile in those times of sadness. There are moments you can never let go of, because they remid you those special things people have. And that ultimatly becomes in way a truly happy moment.

So I say, never let go of the past. Just let go of the bad memeries, keep the good ones and make them happy moments to last for a lifetime.

Yours truly.

Friday, October 1, 2010

Mind-blowing shapes

I find myself intrigued by the different shapes a male body has... Square, round, rectangular; and then there are the states of those shapes, soft, hard, delicate. I must say that I would have to agree with the Italians on the Renaissance. The male body is indeed a beautiful thing.
They are able to bring it to such perfection it encourages female minds to think of the most interesting and best ways to enjoy them.

I have to confess, there are nights I spend imagining how to best savor and enjoy those shapes and its states without wasting anything...

Are you like that? Come on, confess! I dare you!

Monday, September 27, 2010

Our life's story - Chapter 5

Chapter 5

In just a few seconds she not only gave in but responded claiming what was hers. Their body temperature started rising and their hands moved against each other in a frantic way, touching, feeling, wanting. He grabbed the back of her head and pulled her hair a bit so that her head tilted back and her neck was revealed. He then kissed her neck, giving her little bites.
-God! she tasted so good!- He kept thinking.
She was lost in this lust they had.
They started undressing each other in such a hurry. They were eager for each other, it had been too many years, too much had happened, and they had denied themselves this pleasure for too long. She took his shirt off and her hands admired the muscled torso and the perfect six packs. She then went down to his pants and unbuttoned them, letting them fall to the floor. What she saw sent her pulse racing. He was so hard and it was because of her, she took his underwear off and for a minute just stared. She could not help herself so she kissed his belly, going sideways to his waist bones and then taking in her mouth his virility. He let out a moan and she felt even hotter. She wanted him. He pushed her head back a little and lifted her up, carried her so that her legs were wrapped around his waist and placed her in her desk. She was already completely undressed so he set her legs apart and returned the favor. She was going crazy, not being able to scream, she felt she was going to faint because of the pleasure.
-Wait! Wait!- She moaned, but he would not stop, suddenly he lifted his head and she felt both relived and empty because it had stopped, but then he possessed her and she was gone. Over and over he made her explode in a wave of sensations unknown to her before.
She was dazed by the events; he was holding her, giving her little kisses in the neck. She realized what had happened and pushed him aside to collect her clothes. They were getting dressed in complete silence when he decided to break it.
-What does this mean?- He was buttoning his shirt and looked at her. She did not answer, she kept on dressing herself so he insisted this time grabbing her by the arm and asking again -What does this mean Kathy?- She saw something in his eyes that she interpreted as anger. She took her arm from him and answered in a low voice --Nothing, this means nothing, just a moment of weakness from both of us- He stood there unable to speak, looking at her. -It was not weakness from my end, but desire-
-Then it was weakness from mine!- She was furious now, and her eyes were red, tears wanting to come out, she felt dizzy. How could she allow herself to let this happen, hadn't she learned?
-You wanted me as much as I wanted you Kat, you cannot deny that. Why do you lie to yourself?- He was angry, but not so much at her as at himself. He did not plan for things to go this way, he wanted to wait until she was ready, but he could not help himself, he had wanted her so much and his desire had been stronger than his self-restrain.
-Because I won't allow myself to believe in you again, I will not allow my feelings to take over the reality of things. Because I will not fall for your lies again, you did enough damage the first time and I am not the naive and stupid girl I was 8 years ago and now please leave.- He stood for a moment looking at her, she stood his gaze but tears were now running down her cheek, and for the first time he saw in her eyes how much he had hurt her, how much damage he had cause by leaving and how difficult it would now be to gain her trust back, but he had to try. He was hurting and hating himself for the way he had acted and the pain he had caused her. He did not say a word; he took his jacket and headed for the door. Before he left he just said -I never meant to cause you so much pain, I never meant for that night to turn out the way it did, and I do have my reasons for leaving, I just hope that one day you will lower your barriers enough to let me explain. And also, I never lied about loving you, I hope you know that. - With that he left.
She stood there trying to regain her strength and for the first time in 8 years she cried again, she cried like that day when she woke up to find herself alone in bed and Jack gone.

-What the hell are you doing here and how the fuck did you get in?- Joey had just arrived at her apartment when she found Michael standing in her living room, hands in his pants pockets, waiting for her.
-I wanted to talk to you about last night and today-
-What for, shouldn't you be talking to your fiancée instead.-
Michael was staring at her. He made a sign for her to seat down, she only followed because she could see plea in his eyes.
-I want to know why you left this morning- His voice was calm, which made Joey even angrier. As if he didn't know.
-Do you have to ask? You are e-n-g-a-g-e-d. Or have you forgotten about her?-
-That is not the reason, you couldn't care any less about her, and I would not blame you. Why did you leave? Joey hated that he knew her so much, but he was right, she left because she got scared, she left because she felt overwhelmed. She had wanted that to happen for so long and now that it did she did not know how to react. She had seen herself in his eyes, and for the first time she knew he had seen her for who she really was. She was so lost in thought that she had not realized he was now sitting next to her and was holding one of her hands. When she spoke she found that her voice was strained, and the real agony she felt was noticeable.
-Why did you provoke me last night? I would've gone home if you had not taken the keys from me, I would've just left and we would still be the best of friends and right now you would be at her house talking about your wedding. Why didn't you let me leave? Why now?
By the time she finished the sentence her voice was cracking. His hands had become cold and sweaty and she could feel his heartbeat starting to race. She noticed his lips were dry and in spite of her anger towards him all she could think about was getting them moist with a kiss.
-I don't know Jo, I am confused. I mean I know I love my fiancée, but last night was special. I have always loved you and you know that, you have been my unconditional friend forever and we have always backed each other up.- He was stuttering, as if it was difficult for him to find the words to explain what was going on.
-Only you are able to insult me in such way. You say you love me but that what happened last night was not meant to happen. You say you are confused so let me help you out here. - She was so angry that her voice now dropped to a bare hiss. -You do not need to do anything for me, what happened last night will be forgotten and you are off the hook. You can now go back to your little slave and plan your wedding, and don't you worry, I will still be there and I will congratulate you when you come out of the church as her husband. I will remain your servant friend, but remember this; I did not provoke you, it was the other way around. You think about that and I hope it haunts you for the remainder of your years. Now please be as kind as to leave me alone since I have to sort out my thoughts. And you do not need to worry about my behavior at work, I will be the most professional person in the world and I expect for you to at least give me that much.-
She had stood up and opened the door for him to leave. For a minute he hesitated but then seeing how determined she was he just stood up and went to the door, before leaving he said "I am not sorry for last night Joey, I am just sorry I not able to figure it out" and with that he left.
Joey closed the door behind him and fell to the floor; suddenly her knees could not support her body. Tears were running down her cheek. She stayed there for a while and when she was finally able to pick up the phone she contacted Kathy.
-Do you mind coming over? I could really use the company- Joey noticed Kathy's voice was low and figured something must've happened.
-Are you ok, sweetie? - Kathy unable to conceal her pain and answered in a strained voice.
-No. I think this is the first time in 8 years I actually admit it. No I am not OK. I'll tell you about it when I get there.-