People say it gets easier with time, but I don't know how real that is. This is becoming harder by the second, at least harder than I expected. I thought I was ready, but given the circumstances, how ready could I really have been?
I am here, I exist, but I feel I am watching my life go by through a screen as if my life was not my own but a rerun of a movie long ago forgotten.
My heart beats harder and faster and I can't help but feel some sort of dread or immense and never ending sorrow.
I miss her so much, more than can be expressed. I miss those endless nights, endless and sleepless. Someone told me it is only a matter of time before everything goes back to normal. What is normal anyways. Normal for me was waking up at 3:00 am to feed my baby, normal for me was not being able to sleep at all just watching her sleep, normal for me was looking at her and provoking one of those beautiful smiles. All those things I no longer have, so again, what is normal?
I miss her so. Today it's been 6 days since it happened and I am trying to get back on track, I am trying real hard.
So many things have changed all of sudden, I have changed. Nothing is the same and I am afraid I will loose it. Mom asked me if I wanted to see a shrink, I said maybe. I feel as if I'm about to loose it. I keep on telling myself that it's all going to be ok, but for some reason I can't convince myself of it, I tell Ben, that everything will be fine, but... my soul refuses to settle. My nerves won't stay still and I feel like I'm about to loose it.\
Help, help me please.